I began writing online 4 years ago as an outlet to my parenting faux pas.
I began my parenting journey with 1 child and I was a KICK ASS parent. I did all the shit right or so I thought at the time. Sign language, killer 1st birthday parties, built puzzles with her, read books. I was the shiznit.
I had 2 children and ---well….. shit happens. She DID get a BIG first birthday party.
I had 3 children. I think I tossed her a Hershey Bar on her first birthday.
Three kids is tough. More than tough. Maddening at times.
All bets are off. I wouldn't be surprised if my kids have their own blogs , hustle the neighborhood children at Connect Four and run gambling rings in school.
I've never been the type of person who feels completely accomplished and full being only a parent. Some are able to garnish a full cup from just this. That's really wonderful. For many years I felt guilty that I hid my LACK of feeling full due to parenting. I thought something was WRONG with me. Flash forward seven years and I realize that I require many things in my life to feel full. Much of it seems selfish but it's really not. My children are all that I have and all that I want in life if it comes down to it. But if you offer me the choice--- I will reach out and attempt other avenues to fill myself up. Work, projects, writing etc. I don't define myself as only a parent. I am ME. I MUST keep my mind going in other ways or I am not even remotely a slightly kinda good parent.
Parenting for many is all about what you think you " should " be doing. I fell prey to that for the first few years. Doing it all right. Reading books from experts. When I began having more children and experienced the pull of all the responsibilities I began thinking.. Hey. Who says I should be this way? I felt the guilt big time though. I compared my apples to other mommies apples. I would revert back to one child mommy and then back to 2 child mommy over and over. Struggling with who I was as parent and how I wanted to run my show.
Enter third kid. I no longer feel the guilt. I do not judge other parents abilitites to remain a one child parent despite their brood of children. I applaud them. That's their road. I simply don't have the time to compare apples to apples nor the right to. One person's parenting thrills are very different from mine and I love that. I learn from them and hope that I offer something to them as well. Something without pressure. A road that is unique.
My parenting road has been built over seven years. Potholes and all. Gravel filled, resurfaced and more. It's MY road and it is the most satisfying feeling I've ever had. I don't drive my parenting bus to anyones directions but my own. No garmin here. I get lost all the time. I can't read a fucking map for my life. But I try and I do it MY way. I fail, I get up again. I win some I lose some. But I do it on my own terms.
I love my girls with all of my being and someday I hope they find their own parenting roads in life as I have.
What's your parenting road?
