SupAHmommy Speaks…{the one and only}

OMFBakaaaaaaawwwwww The new W. T. F.

2012-01-26T21:07:00.000-05:00

I've invented the next acronym.
The new little black W. T. F.

~~All day long~~ ( wait .. that's a total lie.)

During the times when I'm not working like a chicken being perpetually plucked--- BAKAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

stressed beyond belief -- head pounding -- BAKAwwwwwwwwwwNG with each email that opens with some sort of request that I must get er done for....

I emerge from my office to see what my children OR when applicable child ( one) have done to the house.

o .

m

f

BAKAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

WHEN
DID
MY

2
YEAR
OLD
LEARN

TO
POUR
CEREAL

and seriously IS THAT
O
M
F
BAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAWWWWWWW

DOG FOOD IN ONE!???

Turn to the left.

O
M

F

BAKAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

THAT IS NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT .. OMFBAKAAAAAAWWWWW REPEAT A POTTY!

Turn to the right....

O

M

MF

BAKAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

AND AN EXTRA
BAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

WHAT IS THAT ON MY CARPET??????????????????

O
M
F
BAKAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

THAT BETTER BE CHOCOLATE CHIPS!!!!!!!

I stand in pure defeat at the mere initial site of the damage.

And then drop to my knees and wail , hands held high - BAKAAAAAAWWWWWWWW BAKAAAAAAWWWWW BAKAWWWWWW ----- which translates to WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Just kidding.

FEEL ME and LOVE ME as I am.. cuz after the
OMFBAKAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWSSSSSS

I just go back into my office and think about how quickly I can probably clean it up before anyone "outsiders" can step foot inside and I also think.... i wonder what dog food tastes like.

O
M
F
BAKAAAAAAAAAWWWW

am I a practically perfect mom.

Just like I always thought I'd be.

.

Oh Joyous Gift

2011-12-23T08:46:00.002-05:00

So DBD gets to go away on all these awesome trips. In the name of "business"

* FULL ON 'GLARE' QUOTES*

Seriously.

It's never to missions in Africa to save all the children from that one horrid holiday song, Feed the World.

Which for those of you still yet unaware-- I've been singing like THIS for 20 plus years.

Do they know it's Christmas time at allllll…….

ME: " we go woooah oahhh oahhh"

ME: " DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO "

ME" "we go woooah oahhh oahhh"

ME: " DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO "

When in reality it's actually.

Reality: FEEEDDDDD THE WORRRLLDD

Realtiy: Do they know it's Christmas time at all.

Reality: FEEEDDDDD THE WORRRLLDD

Realtiy: Do they know it's Christmas time at all.

Twenty some years.

My sis broke the news.

I was … just….

well. A little embarrassed.

And a bit sad.

I love my we go's.

So anyways--- the BEST BEST gift of all that I will receive this holiday is a punishment delivered to my husband's doorstep for all of his " air quote business meetings."

HIS NEXT ONE is in Orlando ( oh sadness befalls) in January.

For a week.

So he comes home from his ANNUAL BUSINESS MEETING * reads PENGUIN GAME $300 TICKETS PER PERSON) and says---

You'll never guess what I GOT SIGNED UP TO DO during our convention in January.

*( I love these opportunities)

ME: Wear a coconut bra!?

ME: Synchronized Swimming?!

ME: SAVE THE "WE GO'S???"

ME: POSSIBLY FUCKING WORK?

DBD--- * smirk eyes*

No.

I got signed up…

WAIT FOR IT.

( I LOVE DOING THIS)

WAIT FOR IT..

IT'S SO GOOD.

GOT

SIGNED UP

DURING OUR BIG

DINNER MEETING

IN FRONT OF 600 PEOPLE

TO BE IN A

FLASH MOB

Oh Dear Baby Jesus.

Thank you for this" Joyous Gift" Of The Holidays.

AIR QUOTES!

Amen.

Please also save the "we go's."

Rollin Like Rudolph

2011-12-20T16:39:00.000-05:00

This is how we roll here in Da Burgh' and subsequently get a lotta laughs.

Time Magazine

2011-12-19T14:03:00.002-05:00

When I was in highschool my creative writing teacher Karen Thomas wrote me a note I'll never forget. She said, I'll watch for you on the cover of Time.

2 things

I loved her.

I'm pretty sure THIS blog here .. is the same as Time magazine, no?

Yes. Positivioso.

The BOME list-- Holiday Cards.

2011-12-17T23:04:00.002-05:00

I usually think I'm so super smart -- that I send " New Year's Cards" to everyone.

Because I . Am. Awe. Some.

Happy New Year -- From the Perry's.

I'm the first card in your mailbox for the new year-- and I should then get a reward of some Ugg boot sort. I push for you to hate my timeliness and " with it ness." To be THAT mom.

But mostly because fucking Christmas Cards are the BANE of my existence!

Bane.
Of.
My.
Existence.

BOME.
Only, next to grab bags and the post office though. Those two items need no introduction to reasoning for being on the " BOME" list. They need to hire robots during the holiday season--- to come to my house and take the fucking grab bag gifts I've bought.. yet not sent out yet.

I am NOT doin the post office without a little margarita in me Cuz--- I can't take it. It's worse than the cashier in aisle 34 of our Walmart that continually got her watch caught on the bag em up carousel.

Seriously, the 14th time isn't funny anymore.
FUCKING RING MY SOUP UP. I'M PAYING A NANNY TO WATCH MY KID SO I CAN FREAKIN SHOP IN PEACE AND NOW YOU ARE CRAMPIN MY STYLE WITH YOUR MOLASSES SELF AND WATCH ISSUES. YOU OWE ME 9.00 NOW for the hour I SPENT WATCHING YOU UNHOOK YOUR WATCH.

Kill me dead please.
I ALWAYS choose the line!! * whiny voice* WHY WHY WHY

Regardless. I am off topic now. BOME's. I have so many BOME"s this season that Im feeling a little humbuggish and not so SEASONAL to be honest.

So much so that THIS YEAR-- I tried to have some spirit and actually send CHRISTMAS CARDS OUT. As if the Christmas cards would paper cut my scrooge soul-- and infuse me with merriment and mirth.

They look like this.

They deserve to be sent. I look HAWT.
They're total merriment and mirth worthy, no?

Here's how it went down.
1 hour of my life taking the pics with my evil little 2 year old-- who refused to put the cheezit bag down and with my 8 year old who said out loud to my incredible personal professional on site super wow, awesome photographer " I LIKE PICTURE PEOPLE BETTER."
* be gone with you-- you are out of this family child* Is what I wanted to say. Instead I growled. I'm pretty certain. No words. Just a low, curling growl. It was eerie.

I become more eerie the more I am a mom and pushed to my outer mind limits?
You feel me?

So 1 hour of my life taking HAWT pics
1 week anticipating the HAWT pics as my photographer edits to make me even HAWT. ER.
1 hour JOYOUSLY looking at said HAWT Christmas Card.
1/2 hour thinking--- How am I so HAWT and yet not invited to Victoria's Secret Angel Wing Thing?
2 min thinking-- fuck. I should have had it say " HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
1 min thinking--- instead I should have also had it say-- signed "YOUR HAWTNESS" lmaoooo
1 min getting serious again--
2 hours stuffing the cards in the envelopes
2 minutes thinking-- SHIT.. should the front be in the front, or in the back.
1 minute telling myself to Fuck Off-- who gives a crap if they see your HawT face peeking out when they open the envelope.

1 month on desk , stuffed. Staring at me. Mocking me.
Closer to Christmas deadline for mailing.
1 hour surfing through little black book -- that always resurfaces during the holiday magically.
There are no addresses in it that I want to use. Even remotely.
1/2 hour pissed off at the black book.
1 more week sitting on desk.

1 minute thinking…. should I Email everyone?
2 nanon seconds saying.. yuck fou. No. I dont' feel like it.
I hate these cards.
They threaten my holiday cordial spirit.

They taunt me.
I want to burn them.

What to do.

How about a little shout out on facebook? Is that tackY?

Super. Works for me.

If I can stand you-- and you want one of my awesome cards please message me with your addy.

And you know what.. it worked.

1 hour spent addressing envelopes to people from every crevice of the facebook Earth.
All but FOUR DONE. WOO HOO

Where are my cards now?

Sitting in my SUV cubby. For 3 days now.

I just cannot fathom the post office. There is not enough salt in the dead sea for my margarita needed upon entrance. I'll wait for the robots.

Nor am I EVEN THINKING AOUT asking the aisle 34 Walmart watch lady to order me up 30 books of stamps.
She'll get fucking tangled in her conveyor belt during the process.

I can't have this happening before Christmas.
It will ruin my holiday cordial-ness.

Are you cards done?
Wait.. I have 56 of yours already.

You all are on my BOME list too.

PS. My awesome photog in the Pittsburgh area is www.framesofinfinity.com

You too can look super HAWT like me.

Driving DBD

2011-12-13T22:06:00.003-05:00

Where to sir?

He didn't think that was very funny.

I did.

Seems I'm spending some of my time driving my husband around these days as per doctors orders as he FUCKING PASSED OUT WHILE DRIVING A CAR and having a coughing fit.

Did you know this shit?
Did you KNOW you could pass out while coughing?

Let me survey the readers.

1..2…6..

5 say no. 1 asshole says yes.

Isn't here always one asshole who says-- Yes. In fact, I DID know that.

He's not getting a christmas card.

So passing out. While coughing.
This seasons little black warning label.

NOT PASS OUT while … drinking yourself into a stupor.
NOT, PASS OUT while ramming your head into a steel beam.

Pass out-- WHILE COUGHING.

Seems that should be a warning on every freaking tissue box or something MR. GOVERNMENT??

I KNOW not to lick outlets.
I KNOW not to wear heels without stockings. BIG MISTAKE
I KNOW not to wear my Spanx two sizes too small. I sound breathy… when doing so. Sexy. Cuz I can't freakin breath.
I KNOW DBD can pass out from the mere mention of a COLD HARD STEEL NEEDLE going into his precious baby boy skin… ( he just hit the floor.. told u so)

I KNOW these things.

And now I shall do a public service announcement for all of you-- but refer to it as a " P. S. A" because it sounds funnier.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
THIS IS NOT A TEST.
I REPEAT.. THIS IS NOT A TEST THAT STILL FREAKS YOUR KID OUT WHO IS AFRAID THAT EVERY BLEEPING BLEEP… MEANS A TORNADO IS COMING IN WESTERN PA BECAUSE SHE WATCHED THE WIZARD OF OZ.

People of the INTER-netZ

You can fucking pass out from coughing.

Your muscles can constrict so tight that they hit a nerve somewhere all up in there--- and make you see stars.

Word to the wise Yo.
Put THAT on your tissue box AND BLOW.

That's All I Get?

2011-12-13T11:02:00.002-05:00

His head slumped after a coughing fit… cough.. cough... cough ….wheeze… wheeeeeeezzzzzze and he was gone. His foot hit the pedal and we accelerated at full speed into the car in front of us. It was as if we were underwater and trudging through vats of sand. Everything was so slow. Every movement magnified. The polar opposite of what was really happening. Time began to turtle… though in "real time" we were moving through seconds of our lives with the speed of a bullet.

As we careened forward and I saw what was about to happen, I thought not about the impact into the rear end of the vehicle in front of us, not about my own life at risk, not about my sister sitting in the back seat--but instead…I thought to myself as I stared at his slumped head and non responsive body.

That's all I get?

My entire being literally shattered into a million shards thinking that my husband had died right there in front of me as I watched. That I'd never see his eyes open again. That I'd never hear him snore.

The air was gone from the car. This couldn't be….I don't think I told him I loved him today. Or yesterday? Did I? I yelled at him about something. The girls!? Oh no, the girls. He's so young--- their father. They won't have one. Oh Lord help me!

A nanosecond later I was shaken out of my fog by the screams of my sister telling me to FIND THE EMERGENCY BREAK as our car recovered from the initial impact of hitting the vehicle in front of us, only to begin rolling backwards into the car behind us.

I looked over at him desperately as I fumbled in slow motion to push the car into some sort of gear-- something that never happened. My hands just couldn't find the right movement--- couldn't find the button to engage the gears-- my mind wouldn't work. In this wave of thick fog I kept looking at him slumped over--- the world was slow and I was swimming through molasses.

That's all I get?

I screamed his name another time and hit his chest as my sister nearly climbed into the front seat to gain control of the car.

He came to.

He came back.

Disoriented to our screaming-- he put his foot on the brake.

The car stopped and we were able to put it into park.

I thought he was gone forever.

Don't wait any more. Don't hold back the hug because he loaded the dishwasher wrong. Don't be mad at your son because his choices are off the beaten path. Don't neglect to tell your children that they are special and that THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY because you had to call them to the dinner table 6x. Don't wait to tell your friends that they are the best thing since sliced bread because they already know that, right? Don't wait to bring coffee to the dude on the street that carries the guitar every. single. week. Don't be afraid to love with all you have.

Don't wait to say -- That's all I get?

Life is fleeting and the cliche that "it could all be gone in the next second" is truth in whole.

Make every single second count to the best of your ability.

HOLIDAY HAPPINESS IN 140 – CHARACTERS THAT IS! WED DEC 14, 2011 9PM EST

2011-12-13T10:24:00.000-05:00

For Immediate Release:

HOLIDAY HAPPINESS IN 140 – CHARACTERS THAT IS!
A Community Twitter Party with Zappos.com and Special Guest, Jessica Claus!

December 1, 2011. Water Mill, New York: On Wednesday, December 14, 2011 from 9:00-10:00 pm (EST), Tweeple are invited to join the Macaroni Kid family along with Zappos.com (www.zappos.com) and Special Guest, Jessica Claus, publisher of Macaroni Kid’s North Pole edition (www.northpole.macaronikid.com) for Holiday Happiness in 140 -- characters that is.
hashtag #mackidtips.

"We are so excited to have Jessica back with us again this year, publishing all the local news for the North Pole,” says Joyce Shulman, Macaroni Kid's Chief Macaroni Mom (@macaronikidHQ). “And to learn that she had to turn to our go-to, Zappos, for a little holiday help, well, it just means she’s human too. Sort of,” she adds.

Jessica opens up about her secret shoe obsession and shares her own love of Twitter: “ever since Blitzen introduced me to Tweeting, I’ve been all over the Twittersphere! LOVE the instant connection, since cell phone service in the North Pole is so touch-and-go, I totally rely on the internet. I’m not alone; Kris just read in the North Pole Daily that 71% of all U.S. adults shop online!” (http://www.infifthgear.com/2010/quick-online-shopping-statistics/)

See you Tweeple on the 14th! The more the merrier, as Kris and I always say! Did I mention I’m bringing a surprise guest?” – Jessica M. Claus, North Pole Publisher Mom

The party will be sponsored by Zappos.com and will feature plenty of Zappos loot to give away.

This will be Macaroni Kid’s 21st monthly Twitter Party.

The party will be hosted by Macaroni Kid Publisher Mom and blogger extraordinaire, Debby Perry, who is better known by her Twitter handle SupahMommy (@SupahMommy).

Participants are encouraged to RSVP to be eligible for a special RSVP-only prize below by simply inputting their twitter ID!

* * *
About Macaroni Kid, LLC: Through an ever-growing network of Publisher Moms, Macaroni Kid delivers weekly e- newsletters and creates websites that provide all of the skinny on events and activities for kids and their families in communities across the country. Additional information about Macaroni Kid, LLC can be obtained by calling 631.726.1412 or emailing joyce@macaronikid.com

About Zappos.com: Established in 1999, Zappos.com, operated by Zappos Development, has quickly become the leading destination in online apparel and footwear sales by striving to provide shoppers with the best possible service and selection. The Zappos Family generates gross merchandise sales exceeding $1 billion annually. Zappos.com currently showcases millions of products from over 1000 clothing and shoe brands. Zappos.com, Inc. was recognized in 2009, 2010 and 2011 by FORTUNE MAGAZINE as one of the "100 BEST COMPANIES TO WORK FOR". Zappos.com is also proud to be rated ELITE by STELLAService and was named a J.D. Power 2011 Customer Service Champion, one of only 40 companies so named in the U.S. More information about the customer service philosophy, unique culture, and job openings can be found at http://about.zappos.com. More information about Zappos Insights, and its business membership program can be found at http://www.zapposinsights.com.

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Love Hard.

2011-12-12T14:42:00.006-05:00

His shoe swung around the side and I could see just how little it truly was. A dark leather dress shoe--- probably bought at Sears or JcPenneys. The size of my hand. Tiny….yet having to plod through, step by step, this big huge world of emotion. No 5 year old should have to do this.

A shoe that should have been a Transformers sneaker cacked with mud and muck from whatever it is that little boys do. Instead, his little foot was dressed up to say goodbye to his mommy.

The fuzz of Jaden's little head, would peek out occasionally from beneath the broad shoulder of his father. I could see the back of his head briefly. Fuzzy from his treatments, even almost 2 years past now. He's grown so tall, no longer the baby face we all prayed for for such a long time. Like a little bird. He on one side, Joey on the other. Joe, Julie's husand in the middle. wingedly protecting his little boys ---sitting in the front pew so naked to the world. So vulnerable up there. So vulnerable.

The emotion going on behind them from the hundreds of people there to mourn-- a seeming wave threatening to wash over all of them. He is a rock, I thought. While the waves part around him.

Joey's head would lean on his father's shoulder and his tiny little arm, clothed in a suit jacket, would reach around to pat his father's back. It was gut wrenching. A mighty grasp for such a little arm.

Joe never let them go. He stroked their heads and gave them kisses as only Julie might have been able to when she were alive and healthy. It was incredible how he filled that pew with warmth. It was solace in a time of deep sadness. That he will be what they need.

He swept Jaden up with one arm and held Joey's hand with the other as they followed the procession at the end of the service. The strength and fortitude of this man--- who has lost so much was a gut wrenching kick to all of us--- who think we have so many problems.

My love to this man -- who will do great things for these boys. I do not know you Joe as I did your sweet wife… -- but Julie knew you and she left the boys in your amazing hands.

Life is fleeting.
Love hard.

Mady came up and saw the picture while I was posting this.
"Julie" I told her.

Jewwwwyeee-- she said.

Mommy's friend I said.
Mommeee- fwend? She questioned.

Yep. Mommy's friend.

You will be missed in this world Julie Andrulonis Duttine! You will be missed.

Rest In Peace Julie Duttine

2011-12-07T15:15:00.001-05:00

Rest in Peace Julie Andrulonis Duttine.

Revelation 21:4-8

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

Be free Jules. Be Free.

My Black Cryday Tale

2011-11-30T23:06:00.001-05:00

This past Pre Black Friday I himmed and hawwed. Pished and poshed and then promptly decided at 8PM NOT Black Friday Night-- ( THURSDAY ) to join the hysteria. I was never one to rally far from peer pressure. This is how it all went down AND how I went down with it. Money and all.

SERIOUSLY--- THURS. DAY.

8PM My sister gave me the frantic "text."

"I'm in Walmart. There are 35 people in line already for Kinect system!!! Do you want me to get in line for the 10 PM release of 200 of them at $200 plus a $50 gift card."

"Isn't Santa supposed to bring that?" * giggle not so funny to her*

"Just kidding Jenny, In line ALREADY???? Wait, it's Thursday!?? " My heart starts beating.

"I KNOW" yells her in all caps.

"Sure get in line!" says I! What a great sis!

"Well are you coming to sit with me?" says she.

* TEXT Crickets*

Son of a gun.

So I nabbed on my best fitting yoga pants hoping they might give me an advantage over the crowds? I had no idea what to expect. The closest I've gotten to this "tradition" is watching the Target lady's funny commercials about Black Friday and cackling.

Cackling takes some effort but it may not have been enough to prep my body for the madness.

So I did some pre-sale stretches found my mom tennis shoes and slapped on some extra deodorant.

I also brewed myself some yummay coffee!

Left the house with my wallet, no purse,my cell phone and no coffee.

This is how I prepare-- to go into --- what became THE MOST STRESSFUL EVENT OF MY LIFE.

I rolled up to Walmart @ 8:30 PM in my Hyundai, sans children. Only to FLIP OUT because ...

The ENTIRE parking lot is FULL. This is worse than a 1/2 inch snowstorm.

I'm beginning to have more intense heart palpitations.

I see gates that seem to have been taken from a RODEO.

Text to JENNY* THERE ARE RODEO GATES AND NO PARKING SPOTS!! O. M. G*

I see NOT REALLY SECURITY GUARDS looking not really serious but still-- they're there. This is SERIOUS STUFF PEOPLE!

* GET IN HERE* texts she.

I go through 100 gates as if I'm at KennyWood, winding through following the masses. BACK AND FORTH, AND BACK AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH. I am dizzy. I am at a serious disadvantage already. WHERE IS MY Sea Sickness BAND!??

I have my cell phone in one hand, keys in the other and my wallet pouch. I am so incredibly unprepared it is insane. Not to mention my trusty dusty yoga pants-- have no pockets. HOW EVER WILL I CARRY MY MASS LOADS OF UNNECESSARY AND OVER THE BUDGET IMPULSE PURCHASES???

I am a target. I will be mocked by other more seasoned Black Not Friday shoppers. I FEEL it.

I'll get a cart. That's THE TICKET!

I am back on track. Guffawing at those that secretly mocked me.

I enter the doors. Turn to get a cart.

There are no carts.

The-- end--of--the--world---is--near.

When there are NO CARTS at Walmart. You best turn around right then and there---- and go "bunker" down.

Turns out… the carts.

They are in a special section you have to GO TO to get. It's like Oz.

I feel sorry for that worker who had to MOVE those carts to the creamed corn aisle.

They give me a MAP.

Sections of Walmart have been converted into "product areas."

If you want Barbie Astronaut for $1.50 , she'll be in the waffle section. Start lining up.

WHAT?????

1. I don't read maps. Ask my husband. I am useless. Put me back with the children to fight and scream about who's touching who. THAT, I can do. MAPS I cannot.

SHE'S STARING AT ME !!

2. I have absolutely NO IDEA why I'm here other than Kinect. But everything -- just looks so --- DEAL OF THE DAY. I am distracted. I think I have a black Friday addiction already.

3. I am overwhelmed. I do not function in "overwhelm" mode. I freeze up mouth open. Drool. Eyes wide. With my map in hand. Staring. Someone PAPER CUT ME! Wake me UP! IT'S PRE BLACK FRIDAY and I'm going to leave with ONLY A FLIER!

PEOPLE ARE WOOSHING PAST ME. BUMPING ME, CARTS IN MY KNEES.

TAKING THE MAN DOWN!!

I BOUNCE BACK. IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN.

"DON'T YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR

3 FUNCTIONING WHEEL CART!" I BELLOW!

I text my sister.

"I'm SCURRED."

" WHERE ARE YOU??" texts she.

More people are pouring in. They begin GRABBING ITEMS from the SARAN WRAPPED COCOONS OF TOYS THAT ARE NOT TO BE OPENED UNTIL 10 PM!!

It's only 8:45 PM. It's NOT 10 O'CLOCK PEOPLE.

Is this STEALING?

DO I REPORT THEM?

AND TO WHOM?

THE NOT SECURITY GUARD IN THE COFFEE AISLE?
He looks ever so helpful picking his nose.

More people begin BUSTING OPEN the Saran Wrap.

OM word.

I am NOT a rule breaker!

I am having stress.

Where ARE my ANXIETY PILLS!?

"WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU!??" TEXTS JENNY AGAIN.

OH MY WORD I've forgotten about her already!!

"I'm not sure. I think in Barbie Land or maybe the tire area. I don't know. PEOPLE ARE STEALING FROM THE COCOONS JENNY! I need a paper bag to breathe. I think I'm just going to sit down. WHERE ARE YOU????????? I CAN'T FIND YOU ANYWHERE ( I never even looked)"

" I'm in the salad dressing aisle sitting on my purse next to Hidden Valley Ranch! There's a man next to me with all the sales ads, a go go gadget robotic arm and a bar-co lounger!"

"JENNY THEY'RE TAKING STUFF!! OMG. I THINK this qualifies as LOOTING!" scream texts me.

"SO TAKE SOME TOO! THEN GET OVER TO ELECTRONICS AND SEE IF THE XBOX GAMES ARE ON SALE" SCREAM TEXTS HER.

I nearly faint. I start delving into Cocoons, weeping. I am breaking the law I'm quite sure. I'm peer pressuring with the masses. Next up is the penitentiary and a chick names Big Bertha. I grab a scooter, a power wheels. I start to feel powerful. I grab a vtech laptop-- because it's 10 DOLLARS. For no other reason. I am LIFTING and heaving items into my cart! I BARREL through the crowds.

WATCH OUT PEOPLE--GET OUTTA MY WAY! XBOX HERE I COME! I break up a fight in the XBOX aisle. I knock over an old lady getting eggs. MOVE IT SISTAH!

My sister texts "I GOT THE KINECT!! MEET ME UP FRONT AT THE REGISTERS!" We rendezvous HUGGING, EMBRACING AND CRYING at number 146 register THAT'S not REALLY OPEN.

. OH I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!! Jenny is hugging the Kinect like "the crying game." She looks at my basket, wide eyed.

"I was pressured!" Says I. " Get me help. An intervention. I'll comply."

Moral of the story is. If you're gonna run with the big dogs-- you best have a researched plan of attack, a fully charged cell phone, a backpack with dried fruit and liquids , reinforcements to divide and conquer, body armor and a killer go get 'em attitude.

We went to see Breaking Dawn as our reward at 10:45 at night. Seeing the movie was much more fun which leads me to "soap box" --- family time is what you make of it. But for me, I'd rather hang with my sis eating some popcorn rather than prepping myself for the "bighouse."

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Julie Duttine: Love needed.

2011-11-08T14:48:00.002-05:00

An update from Julie Duttine's Husband. THose of you following Jaden Duttine's story for 2 + years now. His mother and my college friend Julie --- is battling daily with her cancer. The latest.

Please pray.

xox
debby

I wish I had better news to report to everyone. Julie's quality of life is slowly declining. The pain seems to be unbearable. The doctors are trying to get her on a regimen so she can go home. I've seen her down before only to bounce back a couple days later. Please continue to pray for her as she is in the battle of her life. The Andrulonis family and myself want to thank everyone for all the kind words.
I will try to give daily update on Juls status.

Joe

2011-11-03T10:29:00.000-04:00

PMSO

2011-10-28T21:19:00.000-04:00

I'm in a pissy mood.

I'm 37 years old. Wait... I'm 36.

I never get it right. You'll learn that about me quick. It's as if I have short term memory. Odd.

Did I tell you I was in a pissy mood?

I'm 37 years old. Wait...I'm 36.

I

JUST KIDDING...

So anyways I'm 36 possibly 37 and every single month -- I say to self.
SELF

WHY ARE YOU SO PISSED OFF.
You are A GRUMP. WHY IS THIS SO?

SELF-- what is YOUR DEAL?

SELF never has an answer.

SELF also must be Short Term Sally--- because perhaps it could be.....

Oh I dunnooooo..

hm.....

I WONDER...

could it BE?????

P. M. FAREAKING S????

the same crap I've gone through MONTHLY for what.... 20 plus years?

Nah...

I'm just pissy.

AND PMS

STANDS FOR

PISS MY SHIT (OFF )

Julie Duttine - Jaden's Mom Very Sick--- Pray!

2011-10-28T07:22:00.002-04:00

Those of you who follow me know that Jaden was our special boy for a year plus. We prayed for his recovery from stage 4 cancer and it worked. He is well! However his sweet mother Julie, is not. Julie is my college friend and former freshman dorm floormate.

She lives here in the Pittsburgh area near to me and this sweet, funny girl has been through intense challenges that no family should. She has cancer herself, slow growing over many many years. A momma in her mid 30's.

Her cancer seemed to take on Jaden's- as any momma would pray for --- and it has spread. She is battling for her life with Chemo and such and has been admitted to the hospital this past evening for continued intense pain that is unmanageable. Would you find it in your heart to think of her today --- praying for peace and comfort for her so that she can forge forward battling. Prayer for this entire extended family who has ridden this intense roller coaster-- for too long. We are thinking of not only Julie, Jaden, Joey and Joe but of Julie's mother and father as well as their extended family .

xoxo

debby

Karma is my vengeful twin.

2011-10-20T09:00:00.001-04:00

I love karma.
She is a dirty evil whore.

No wait, she is more like---- my vengeful evil twin.
Because I'm the good twin and would never wish semi-nonhurtful terrible things on people who have
DONE DID ME WRONG.

Nope, not me.

Karma is a horrible bitch-- and I cannot be associated with her.

Except on the sidelines-- CHEERING MY POM POMS!!

GO KARMA GO!

GO KARMA GO!

GOOOOOO KARMA!

K
A
R
M
A

WHAT'S THAT SPELL?

SUCK IT!!

Personal Flotation Devices: A Must Have This Season

2011-10-18T00:07:00.002-04:00

My D.B.D does anything for me. Seriously. I'm such an evil witch sometime that it surprises me when he happily goes to the store for the 5th time that week after I text him a grocery list.

No , it is NOT possible to know what I'll need for Tuesday's dinner. Planning is for the sickos. The weak minded.

So when I ask him to pick up tampons and pads--- he's all good with it. Doesn't bat an eye. I don't get that part either though cuz the dude gets heart palpitations just thinking about trying to use an expired coupon. He doesn't like doing things that make him "have diarrhea tummy."

He gets the goods.
But he's a smart one I tell ya.
He's a THINKER.

He MUCKS it all up. To hell and back.
So he doesn't ever get trusted again with such an important task. AGAIN.
EVER.

This PARTICULAR TIME. DBD won the war.

This time DBD made it VERY clear-- who was the boss.

And it wasn't Tony Macelli.

He brought me home a package of pads that was the size of a hay bail.
I coulda set pumpkins on it casually for a FALL FOLIAGE LOOK.

That was my first indication that he was revolting.

My second indication.

The FARKING pads were BIGGER THAN MY FEET,
WAIT..
TWO OF MY FEET
when expanded to their full capacity.

IT WAS LIKE UNROLLING INSULATION.

I
shit
you
not.

I EVIDENCE THE SHIZNIT out of stuff w my IPHONE.
Don't TRY to mug me. I will take pictures and BUST you later. I'M THAT GOOD. * lie-- I'm terribly obvious*

Ready for this?

Get ready.

I'm serious.

TA Da!

My own personal flotation devices.
POOL PARTY ANYONE?

I'LL BRING the RAFTS!

I flew this past weekend to Florida and when the stewardess said

" in the unlikely event that this tin can turns into a ball of firey flames and turns into a cruise-- your seat cushion will become a flotation device"

I SAID..

I'm good maa'm. Then turned around and gave a little friendly-- I got more people. Just give a hoodle when we're goin DOWN and I'll toss one.

There is rustling noise when I walk.
It is not the fall leaves.

NEEDLESS TO SAY--- he is off of PERSONAL PAD PURCHASING DETAIL.

Fucker.

DONT' EVEN ASK-- If I asked him for tampons.

Cotton Candy Dreams and Fa-reaking Lollipops-- How Angela Landsberry Got her Groove Back- and me too.

2011-10-16T05:07:00.000-04:00

I'm flying this week and visiting some friends in Ft. Lauderdale.
Do I sound super fun and exciting?
Like you want to be my friend?

* blank eyes*

Actually I'm flying BACK as I speak and I'm posting because so many people stopped me at our annual Macaroni Kid Meetup and told me that I should quite simply, be president.

I know.

It's crazy eyes bull shit.

*letting that settle in*

Okay -- so whatever. They said they thought I should write again.

Well.. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

( me too)

ORDER UP BARTENDER!

Everywhere I turned someone was stopping me to kindly fill me with lollipops and fucking cotton candy dreams --sweetly commenting about my writing. The lurkers out there are intense *NERVOUS LAUGH * and mucho appreciated.

Why don't I do it any longer?
Loads of reasons. Namely, my family needed my focus more. I was building my incredible Macaroni Kid empire with my two wonderful sidekicks and was finding all kinds of things in my life that I had been missing. Sadly, writing was one of those elements.

Writing has taken a back seat to many things in my life and has been pepper sprayed in essence. What used to be fun for me------ blogging--was no longer something I wanted to be a part of.

I maced it.
It maced me.
It burnt me from the inside out in so many ways.

So...
I lit it on fire like that one chic who lit all her husbands clothes and beamer on fire in that one movie.
Finding Angela Landsberry?

No? Not it.

Getting my groove on?
Angela's groove back?

What the fuck ever. The chick who lit it all up and gave a big eff u.

Yah.. that's kinda me. In my head though. Tough like nails. But not really.

But this past weekend I realized that I don't have to be a "blooooooogger" * air quotes* just because I spew my madness on a BLOG page. I'm no longer a blogger. That means a whole different realm of shit.
But writing is INDEED fun-- and I can choose to pick it up when I want and mail you something. Postcards to you. :)

So here you go. Check your mailbox soon.
I got some shit to say. :)

Things that didn't come in the instruction manual.

2011-07-26T00:00:00.004-04:00

When you purchase a product like
THIS …. ( so your kids don't have to get the CLAP )

There are a few freaking things they don't tell you in the instruction manual.

Let me help you all and give it to you "straight."
What they NEGLECT TO TELL YOU .. #1

You will hurriedly put up Mt. InflatedMoney , get the kids in their suits, peeing in their own excitement only to realize when you are to the FINAL STAGE OF SET UP in the scorching hot " BALL OF FIRE IN THE SKY SUN"….

That there is no "final stage" piece."

The fucking part that sprays water- ain't no where to be seen.

It's probably flown off to Mexico--which is about what Nenny and I ( mostly me) wished we could have clicked our heels and done.. right about then and there.

Bartendah! Bring me another round yells "no kids" Supah as she swims up to the pool bar in Somewhere Totally Safe Mexico. ( and then creates a Tsunami wave washing over the bar because she ate Olive Garden this week) I digress.

When something like this happens: Supah is fa- reaking useless. Pulls up a chair, dreams of STS Mexico and watches the Nenny go to work.

Nenny is the Macguyver of MCGUYvers. I AM CONVINCED OF TWO THINGS. Wait , 3.

1. I cannot spell Mackgyuver.

A. NENNY CREATED MACGUYVER HERSELF out of rusted screws, a diet snapple cap and a pair of pantyhose.

B. She could build a RUCKING FOCKET SHIP if she wanted to and I could invite you all over for tea and crumpets while we flew safely to Mars in her creation. This would be no "drink the koolaid " type of situation where I was faking you all out--- if Nenny says she can build it. It's safe. And we're GOIN TO MARS BABY!!!

She BUILT THAT "unincluded" PIECE FROM WHAT I SWEAR TO YOU was bendy straws we stole from my friends party, portions of my guest shower and my neighbor Paul's outdoor hose.

Never mind the clepto issue.

She got it to work.

The girls have been enjoying Mt. Inflated Money for days.

However the weather hasn't cooperated as much as we'd like and we also had a trip to the Emergency Room due to FLU IN THE SUMMER.
WHO.
GETS.
THE .
FLU.
IN .
THE .
SUMMER?

MY KID.

During these times of UNUSE.

What they NEGLECT TO TELL YOU .. #2

is that youll be babysitting this effer like it's ANOTHER PLUCKING CHILD.

Nursing it.

Keeping it from the rain.

Running like chickens to deflate the effer when the rain cloud beckon!

Running out in lightning LIKE A FOOLIO to retrieve the "electrical components" <--smart.

Flipping the TOTALLY INFLATED EFFER UPSIDE DOWN and following Nenny's "plan" for drying it out properly.

Cuz she's alllll about proper.

*clickheelsclickheelsclickheels*

You will also be forced to go outside late at night after it's had it's "Drying time." You'll feel CREEPY EWWWWWW BUGS CRAWL ON YOU because it is DARK and CREEPY EWWWWWW BUGS crawl in the DARK.

Your sister will not help when she says the word

SLUG.

And you flip your lid and your skin turns itself inside out.
AND once you settle your shit down-- Nenny instructs further.

Nenny says' JUMP."

to force deflation.

You will JUMP like a white girl can jump, imagining dunking like Air Jordan in his prime, becauSE when you're told to JUMP by nenny, you follow directions. It's how we roll round here.

So you will JUMP

( and get some AIR before impact ) ONLY to

A. LAUNCH YOUR SKINNY ASS SISTER,(who was innocently trying to deflate HER SECTION of Mt.INflatedMoney) directly to MARS.

WHO NEEDS NENNY'S SHIP! ?

Then you will ROLL ON THE DRIVEWAY LAUGHING SO HARD YOU LOSE WEIGHT----

and then promptly get your ASS UP.. when you remember this word.

SLUG!!

And THOSE are the things they don't tell you about when you purchase this fun stuff :)

P. U.

2011-07-23T11:09:00.000-04:00

Lord have mercy I ate something the other day that crawled inside my body, hibernated and festered into toxic radioactive gas.

It was so very bad-- men in suits showed up. Like when they discover E.T and the movie gets all freaking creepy.

Anyways-- my ass and it's issues.

I seem to have repeat Ecoli issues huh? But this time--- I didnt' poop myself stoopid. I just burnt all of my ( limited and quite normal amount of ) ass hairs each time I farted.

I'm sorry. It's not often I speak about this. But there's a funny part-- hold the line please!

I have deduced on my Clue Master Detective Form -- that I carry around with me:

That it was

the red bliss potato salad
from the man with no sanitary gloves
in Walmart

When will I EVER LEARN???? * dramatic hands to sky!*
SERIOUSLY. WHY DO I GO BACK?
AND BACK.
AND BACK.
AND BACK.
AND BACK.

I am ready to file for a PROTECTION FROM ABUSE ORDER.

So anyways.
I accosted much of my household with inadvertant toxic ass dust--- but the funniest part of this all.

I put my littlest to bed. She's 2. A fairly new 2.
And devil child.

She VERY rarely lets someone else put her to bed and by " put her to bed" I mean----

require that I lay with her
in this certain area of the bed
until she is dead asleep

It's torturous. Anyone who KNOWS me, knows I cannot sit still for a moment. I get heart palpitations thinking of all the stuff I could be doing rather than being held hostage by a terroristic two year old who tells me WHERE TO LAY, HOW TO LAY, and WHEN TO MOVE.

And I oblige.

So she was ALMOST falling asleep. So she was quite angelic. In between sleep and consciousness.
Well my ass dust began to rumble and I couldn't help it.

So I burnt up my ass and let one loose.
In the pitch dark.

I could see the flourescent green as it floated up to our noses.

I think it was "nerve gas!'

So I am DYING trying not to laugh and wake her ALMOST NEAR SLUMBER -- but my laugh is not the concern. This smell is the type of odor that COMPLETELY RIPS YOU FROM SLEEP TO YELL AT YOUR HUSBAND SMELL.

and I catch a glance of her face as I'm peering in the dark.
I think.. NO WAY.

I get a little closer-- to confirm what I see.

And yes. There she is. the little terrorist.
Having fashioned her own " gas mask!"

She was HOLDING HER NOSE.

INSTINCTIVE SURVIVAL MODE IN HALF SLEEP.

Heirlooms

2011-07-21T00:01:00.004-04:00

My husband tells this awesome story about a family car ride he and his family went on when he was younger. His family consisted of 4 hoodlum boys, Mom and Dad. I'll try to do the story justice because he tells it so well. I'm adding some details to supah it up.

It's a gem-- a
Family heirloom.

They had this big green station wagon that he tells me looked like this

You know this kinda "ride." The one that bounces you into the wheel well when you hit a bump-- cuz there aren't any seatbelts?

All 4 boys were piled into the back seat. I imagine elbow shoving , farting and "staring" at each other. Four boys…. 2 older, DBD and the youngest. Shit kickin, BMX bike riding, stupid plan making, bone breaking, wedgie bustin trouble making hoodlums. With buzzcuts.

Tie your sled to the BMX bike, let your brother pull you in the fresh fallen snow … directly into a parked truck. Breaking your nose.

Those kinda boys.

Dear Jesus. Thank you sir for giving me only girls. Amen and blessings.

All singing ass fart songs as Dad was driving down the highway.

Because ass fart songs are heirlooms---- ones that DBD enjoys teaching to my daughters.

So Dad was driving. Dad's a hoot. Big guy. Slow southern drawl. Originally from The "Carolina's" Grew up husking Tobacco on a tobacco farm. Amazing life. Got the hell outta dodge when he turned 18! Went into the military. God Bless Him.

Amen Dad.
Can you imagine working in a tobacco field for most of your young life? And adult life. Then sayin EFF YOU to that back breaking labor-- only to enlist in the military. FOR life.

Incredible work ethic--- that does not exist today. Starting with moi.
An heirloom sadly not passed.

Anyways.. Dad's a hoot. He moves slow, he talks slow, he a cool dude. I like to think about him as a young father. Whappin the boys upside the back of their heads, and specifically DBD a buttload of times.

Perhaps I should get a broom like his mom used to do and freaking GO TO TOWN?

Everyone needs this old school shit. Bring on the BROOMS!

Anyways.

Dad is driving. I like to imagine him whistling the ass fart song along with his boys who are singing it in the back. Mom is knitting next to him. Because she was a SAINT. The woman had cancer most of her life and her boys lives yet knitted hats for poor children in 3rd world countries.

Again.
Ethics.

Missing.

Where's the broom.

Arm restin' on the window ledge. Cruisin in that big beast of wagon.

All of the sudden dad starts SCREAMING!

OHHHHH!

OHHHHHHHHH!

Holding his arm.

OHHHH MY GODDAMN ARM!

MY GODDAMN ARM! I'VE BEEN SHOT!!

Car swerving.
Oncoming traffic dodging the green beast with 4 buzzed hoodlums in the back seat.
Tumble weeds rollin along side the car ( cuz there are totally tumbleweeds in Colorado)

MY GODDAMN ARM!

OHHHHHH

I THINK I'VE BEEN SHOT!

PAT , I'VE BEEN SHOT!

* I IMAGINE PAT ROLLED HER EYES A LITTLE.

He pulls the car over to a stop. Cradling his arm. The boys are piled on top of each other in the back seat wheel well… all dazed and beat up from pin balling it across the back seat during Dad's freak out time.

Just as he begins to survey the "shot" damage on his arm -- the hoodlums start FUCKING FLIPPING OUT in the back seat ---- screaming, scrambling and climbing over each other to get to the "back."

THEY'RE SCREAMING like idiots --- kicking each others heads landing on each other trying to now get out of the BACK WINDOW.

Turns out Dad was "shot" by a ……….

massive bumble bee

traveling at 65 miles an hour.

The bumble bee lived to tell the tale in the back seat of the beast of a wagon and CAME BACK TO LIFE while the boys were staring at it.

I love heirlooms. :) I wonder what stories my children will tell OVER AND OVER about me ---- that will make them laugh when they're having a rough day.

Burnt Retinas.... It was like...

2011-07-15T20:40:00.002-04:00

I was driving home the other day from something that made me drive in that direction.

The SUN was so freakin intense in the sky.

You know the kind that BURNS YOUR RETINAS INSTANTLY endangering your life in the midst of traffic on 376 W.

The kind that makes you SCREAM AT THE SUN GODS like some maniac who's lost it.

The kind of SUN in the sky that crystallizes your windshield and turns it back into FREAKIN SAND!!

( that sounded good right? I'm not a science chic)

So I was SOOO mad that I drove my burnt eyeballs home, immediately got out of the car,used echolocation to find my way to the front door( because of my burnt ass retinas) and went into to complain to Nenny. My sister.

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE FREAKING SUN WAS IN THE SKY~!!!!!

* blank stare*

IT WAS FREAKING HUGE.

* blank bigger stare*

NO SERIOUSLY. THE SUN WAS SO MASSIVE NENNY IT INSTANTLY BURNT MY EYEBALLS !!

IT WAS CRAZY!

IT WAS LIKE...

IT WAS LIKE...

LIKE....

LIKE...

* the words finally GRACE my mind*

IT WAS LIKE

A BIG BALL OF FIRE IN THE SKY.

My sister and my husband have YET to let go of this "description" that I came up with.

All on my ownsome.
It's hard being me.

Especially with burnt retinas!

Told You So.

2011-07-13T23:27:00.002-04:00

I came home today after meeting with our CPA --

* I'll wait for you to think I'm super important*

**

**

**

waiting****

Yuck FOu!

So I came home and sure enough EVERY cotton pickin window in the house was open.

I was GENIUS at Clue Master Detective--- and the windows OPEN --tells me something
AINT' RIGHT AT THREE THREE EIGHT. And it was with the rope, in the dining room…..

Open windows?

Supahdon'tplay'dat.

I enjoy myself some " artificial climate."

If I wanted to breath natural air--- in the stench of my sweating pits--- I'd.. I'd…. I'd…. gotoa3rdworldcountrywheretheydon't haveluxuries…………. and USDA BEEF.

I've been to Cancun.. people. I've seen 3rd world.. and smelled rotting taco beef in the air as I awoke each morning from my foggy slumber. I survived that trip on two things- alcohol and frosted flakes.

Well of course DBD was all over it.
Our air conditioner had shit the bed.

Luckily he pushes a cushy job at Honeywell and has HVAC geeks at his beckon call to "take care of this jeeves!"

I call down from the top of the deck--

because I can't see him--- only hear him and his HVAC Geek.

What is it? What's WRONG???????WHY ISN'T IT WORKING???

* beginning to perspire in the 70 degree breezy weather*

I
am
delicate.

He steps back and holds up evidence of the "issue" at hand.

It's the CAPACITOR--- says DBD.

I gasp a little.

DID HE REALLY JUST SAY IT???

*SOMETIMES BLOGGIN IS JUST SO EASY*

DON'T YOU MEAN THE

FLUX CAPACITOR????

supah is on the ground rolling----
no one else is.

I TUCKING FOLD you all he was a time traveler!!!!

Holy Mother of Bologna --- if I wasn't right.

SERIOUSLY. YOU ALL WANT TO LIVE WITH ME AS YOUR WIFE DONT' YOU?

You know I'm sending him back in the Delorian tonight to 1982 to get me some REAL hair feathers
( today's newest sa- lawn trend) SCREW THIS ROOSTER FEATHER SHIT.. don't you remember THESE?

You weren't cool unless you were walking around with drug paraphernalia clipped to your freaking head in the form of a roach clip.

So I'm sending him back and I'm goinna rock this shit out…. need anything- from my TIME TRAVELER HUSBAND?

Dance Moms--- Thank you for making me feel GREAT!

2011-07-13T23:05:00.003-04:00

Get ready Pittsburgh.
"Dance Moms" taps into town this week!

Actually, it's been here all along, right in Penn Hills. Who knew?

The kicker is, Lifetime TV picked it up and made it into a reality show series.

I'm not sure who to send the THANK YOU note to for this gift to our town.

Those of you who love a good "whack job" reality series-- pop some popcorn kids... This one is FOR YOU!

Set in Pittsburgh’s renowned Abby Lee Dance Company, ( PENN HILLS, PA ) owned and operated by notoriously demanding and passionate instructor Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms follows children’s early steps on the road to stardom and their doting mothers who are there for every rehearsal, performance and bow…all under the discerning eye of Miller. Presenting a powerful cast of characters sure to raise eyebrows, the series immerses itself in the highs and lows surrounding competition season to deliver an intriguing and dramatic look at the cast’s frantic pursuit of the ultimate National Dance title. Centered on the devoted Miller, who runs her school with an iron tap shoe as she instructs her young, talented students while also dealing with over-the-top mothers who go to great lengths to help their children’s dreams come true, Dance Moms will pose the tough questions many ask about what really goes on behind-the-scenes in the fast-growing and controversial sport of competitive dance.

Is Miller’s in-your-face approach good for her students; or is it too much? At what point does she cross the line and who has the guts to stand up to her if she does? Are these Dance Moms living vicariously by pushing their kids too far? How happy are the students in this unusually competitive sport? What happens when they and their moms become competitive with each other? And, ultimately, who has what it takes?

I love shows like these because I watch them and then promptly turn around and "pat myself on the back" for my awesome parenting.

*pat pat pat*

I look like Mother Momma Theresa compared to these maniac mothers who didn't get the memo--- MOMMA BEARS DO NOT SUBJECT THEIR CUBS TO SUCH THINGS. Even for a REALLY SHINY SPARKLY TROPHY and 15 minutes of fame.

This show has caused massive waves of controversy in the professional dance world and I can absolutely understand where that Tsunami began. While the world of Competitive Dance might actually be a great aspect in some children's lives- this show doesn't even give it a CHANCE to shine. The show focuses on the "drama llama " of ONE studio out there that is so screwed up and warped in it's teaching methods!

It's the Wicked Witch of the East meets Dance School!

Quick! Someone whirl up a tornado right smart! Save these poor girls!

While secretly thanking these women for building ME up without knowing it, I was outraged at them. Enough so that I penned an eloquent letter to them.

Dear Dance Moms,

Bad parent! Bad parent! Bad parent!
* stink eye*

Signed
SUPAHMOMMY
#1 Awesome Mom

I'm proud to send my daughter to a dance school under the tutelage of professional instructors in the dance field who would NEVER think to"create a star" by ripping them to into oblivion.

SOMEONE'S GOINNA NEED SOME THERAPY * she sing songs*

I'm even more proud to be a mom who would never let my own emptiness, yearning for a trophy and dreams of stardom for my child--- rob them of their self esteem and self worth while I stood idly by. I'll just eat some food to fill that void.

LISTEN UP FOLKS.

I screw them up enough on my own… I don't need to pay their dance teachers to help.

You'll have to decide for yourself and I invite you to watch and comment below!

I know three things;

1. This show is controversial and begins this Wednesday at 10/9 C
2. I now have a new "threat" in my home;

DON'T MAKE ME SEND YOU TO ABBY LEE DANCE STUDIO!

LAST.

3. Dance legends are not made this way.

What do YOU think of shows like this ?

Should be interesting.

THE CLAP AND A HOSE.

2011-07-11T22:49:00.000-04:00

We have this ghetto fabulous little pool for the girls. It can tolerate like -- 2 days worth of water and then I become all hazmat psycho about the stagnant water.

DON'T DRINK THE WATER MOO MOO!
YEY YEP-- CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!!!

For God's sake you all! You're goinna get the CLAP!

I think that's where you get it from right?
Slimy cess pools?

So after taking a day or so to fill the effer up with a hose that spits water at the speed of a fuzzy caterpillar--- we must drain it.

My yard itself does not even remotely tolerate low levels of water. If it were a drunk it would be a half beer queer.

This is thanks be to the engin-asses at Maronda homes who graded my land. Fucking bass ackwards. All the water from every yard in the neighborhood runs down the slopes and then down into my yard. Where it miraculously stops running. ANd sits.

You think I was worried bout a little ghetto pool's stagnant water and the clap?

You should hear my thoughts when my children are running bare foot in my chernoble mud puddle yard.
( just this one section.. now... don't be afraid to come visit ya'll )

So emptying the pool straight out into the yard with the grace of an african elephant stepping on the side and letting it all SPILL FREE!!!! Just won't work.

SO I was sitting one day in my ghetto Big Lots lawn chair, yelling at my kids to BEWARE OF THE CLAP--- when I thought out a plan to empty the water.

I'd cyphen it.

Like when you steal gas from cars in the movie. (??????????why????????)

But I'd use a garden hose.

Right?

I can do this shit.

No prob.

But I'm not sure of the science of it. So I enlist my sister ( Aunt Nenny) who knows just about everything about everything ---- to research it so that I do it right the first time.

We google { GOD BLESS THE GOOGLE} and find that there is a certain way to begin the process using some pressure from the water in your spigot, disconnecting it, kinking it up tight, and then hurridly placing it in the Clap Pool to begin the process of cyphoning and keep the MOMENTUM going-- or da' flow.

Well we did that.

And DA FLOW.
Didn't keep going.

We looked like total asses.

I was at the end position of the hose. Just staring. Looking for signs of water coming through that damn hose.
NAda.

She was holding the hose down in the water of the Clap Pool.

She shrugs her shoulders.
"It's not working."

No shit Nenny.

She looks at me again from afar.

I KNOW what she's thinking.

NO. Says me.

I'm not doing it.

She smiles.

FUck off! Says me.

I'm NOT doing it.

She is bent over laughing.

I start looking around to see if there are neighbors watching.

She's on the ground.

Laughing.

You have to start the water flowing--- she gasps inbetween laughs.

I hate you! hisses me

You have to SUCK IT!

I am a good mother.

SO there I am.
In all my glory.

At the end of my yard. Positioning myslef on a garden hose ------ all so my children don't get THE CLAP or grow 3 extra toes.

I am a good mother.

Yes indeedy.

But --- I'm not very skilled because I sucked til my head was ready to explode.
and NOTHIN'..

We ended up trying the science method again and got it to work.

Leaving me---- feeling like a cheap whore.

STUPID HOSE!

Don't try to cyphon shit.
You'll get an STD POSSIBLY.

lol

ONLY ME.

Tell Tracy Turnblad I said Hello.

2011-07-07T23:49:00.001-04:00

The other day I glanced inside my fake linen closest -- the ones you buy at Target. The one that the back falls out of or drawer collapses 1 year later.

The ONE that you put MORE crap into because your OTHER real LINEN closest is too full. Because you are unorganized and would cry if someone opened that Linen closet looking for something.

I love you if you nodded like a true sister.
I kick you off my blog officially if you are not "getting this. "

Be gone with you e-vile one.

Move along.
Nothing to see here.

As I was glancing I noticed something funny I've been MEANING to share with you all for about a year now. Because, YES. This item.. has been sitting in my fake linen closet for about a year now.

I asked my husband D.B.D. ( DEATH BED DAN) to purchase some aersol hairspray for some reason.. I forget.

I think when I was whoring Yep Yep up for her dance show.

I figured he would come home with some purple Aussie hair spray etc.

The convo went like this.

Supah: DBD, please pick up some hairspray.
DBD: What , like gel?

SUpah-- No you ass. Hairspray.

DBD-- OH .. like the pump ones?
SUpah-- What do you mean pump? NOT the squirt one. The PSSSSSHHHH PSHHHHHHT aresol one? Can you handle this dude?

DBD-- shut up.

This is what he brought home to me.

I ORIGINALLY didn't appreciate his efforts and I'm pretty sure I said something like;

WHAT THE FOTHER MUCK IS THAT?! Did you see Tracy Turnblad while you were purchasing this from the five and fucking dime!?

THis is why I must keep it.

It's proof he can time travel.

I think I might send him back to purchase original stock in Google next and then I am VOTING MYSELF OFF THIS po'mans ISLAND YOU SUCKERS! I'LL BE RICH!!!!

DON'T MAKE ME GET JABBA ON YOU!

2011-07-05T01:49:00.000-04:00

I've lost loads of weight this year. Figuratively and literally. Tons of dead weight in my life in many facets. My pastor says that it 'falls' off you though… when you're ready. Or at least when you're ready to kick it or "them" to the effin curb.

I did some shit kickin this year.

I think she was talking about something much more intense and spiritual-- but I equated it that day to "dead weight" and I think I was thinking about donuts.

Yes. Pretty certain.

The truth is ….
I was Jabba the Hut.

I would have eaten Princess Leah for lunch shackles and all.

* please lie to me and tell me I was not at ALL fat*
Sugar coat it up …real nice.

I'll wait.

Okay, let's just say YOU SUCK at sugar coating.

Like… REALLY SUCK.

You can stop the horrified look too.

That's Princess Leah in the background.

She was just cold so she put on jammies.

Or was afraid I'd eat her and wanted layers in order to ensure some time to escape while I gnawed through.

I KNOW.

It is torurous to view that picture.

I apologize to your retinas

But my only salvation is the new pic I get to take and the size 14 pants on my hot candy gumpdrop arse -- that used to be a 22.

But my point is this.
I am not "saved"… I am still Jabba.
Jabba is just waiting.

To come back out.

And when my husband decides to throw a hissy fit tantrum on the 4th of July because I had the nerve to take two of the three children shopping for '3 HOURS' according to him...Jabba wants to bust down the doors, roll on out and SIT ON HIS ASS UNTIL HE CANNOT BREATH and is a pancake in the road.

While eating Hershey's Minatures.

Until there is nothing left but Hershey Dark.

Cuz Jabba don't do Hershey Dark.

That's for skinny people.

Seriously DBD… keep pushing it and Jabba's coming back.
Is that what you want?
Did you take a gander up there at the evidence?

One Hershey's Minature at a time DBD.
Jabba WILL be back. Keep pushing.

Who pushes your buttons?

Ecoli Hot Dogs--- What would the LOGO be?

2011-07-04T01:09:00.005-04:00

I was recently sick in my bathroom.
I have no idea why.

That's a lie.
I do. But then my stupid little post wouldn't have any surprise action if I revealed my sicknesses source.. right out of the gates!

I am a THINKER!

* what did you just say? My title? *

Crap.

So I was MYSTERIOUSLY SICK. * insert mystery music*

It wasn't because of the shower that needed scrubbed or the gross floor that is probably ruined from the BUCKETS OF water that SPRAY OUT like a tsunami every. single. time. I start my shower---

None of those gross things made me "sick." But I DID notate them while sitting on the mercy seat.

What was I sick from?

* revelation!*

I swear ya'll, from a freaking Ecoli Laden hot dog.
Happy Pre-Fourth Hot Dog!
Bin Laden of Hot Dogs.

My sister who recently moved in with us-- swears to me "
it was not the hot dog."

SHE'S FREAKIN ADAMENT about it too.

Like she's in LOVE with the hot dog.

It's odd.

You'd think she was the cooker of the dogs or something.. all on it's side and stuff…. wearing a TEAM HOT DOG shirt…. but noooooooo.

She didn't cook the effers.

I was the mo fo that COOKED THEM!

She just CHOOSES to rally to the defense of the weiner.

Like some sick twisted relationship.

He only makes me puke 2x when I eat him.
He's not THAT bad.
You just don't know him like I do.

What the weiner!?

Her reasoning for the unloyal and much unsisterly-LIKE disbelief that I pooped myself stupid because of a
Certain...
Mr. Ecoli Hot Dog….

is because SHE didn't get sick.

Get THAT!
It's TWISTED TEA I TELL YOU!

SHE didn't get SICK and poop herself stupid.

So the Ecoli Dog is now…. not at fault.
CASE DISMISSED.

The glove didn't fit!

Well perhaps SUPER TOXIC Ecoli rests in her stomach on a normal basis!!!

Therefore creating a fortress against such calamaties of the stomach as -- Ecoli Hot Dogs.

I bet she eats Ecoli Dogs daily!

She could market them.
Make a logo for them.

I wonder what it would be.

The good thing is : I got a GREAT post in my head to write while battling with Ecoli Dog. I notated something in my fake linen closet that houses hair products.

Stay tuned.

Like ….seriously…. don't move.

I am not sliced bread.

2011-06-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

When I was younger I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a BETTER mom than my own mom. Because I felt like my mom had wronged my entire life and that if I could, I would , be better than her in every capacity of mommyhood.

How old was I?
I was age….

age "didn't have kids."

I wanted to be the best thing since sliced bread in the mom world. It was my goal. My "eat my DUST" mentality.
( when was bread not sliced? Sliced bread must be pretty freaking awesome to those over the age of what? 60 or so? So much so that they still say it? )

How shitty that must have felt for my mom. My single mom, trying to make it all work because my father-- freaking sucked and still does.
Chapter 18 == yet unwritten you lucky dogs you.

But--- to know your daughter hates you.
To come across an end table that your daughter, carved I HATE MOM in.
Because that daughter was so emotionally tormented.

But to not have the skills to help her.

To know you have flaws. That YOU can't even fix, because they are so ingrained in you ---- that those flaws are your life breath.

When all your daughter wants is your love.

I know, because I am now in her shoes. 35 years later. A cruel reversal of fortunes.

Older, with some more perspective on life and certainly still in awe of the awesome sliced bread.
Realizing now , that my mom was wonderful.
That she did the best she could with limited time, money, skills and parental wisdom.

Everything I thought I'd be as a mom.
I am not.

Everything I didnt' WANT to be as a mom.

I am.

The more children I had… the worse I became.

This shit is not easy.

Overwhelmed, underappreciated, alone and a little lost in my own demons… I am drowning ---- in a sea of 3 children with constant needs and their own emotional issues that I just can't find within me to embrace, comfort and wrap my arms around so as to block them from it.

Everyday I feel crappier and crappier in my Job Title.

Just waiting for the big Trump to point his finger at me and say

YOU'RE FIRED.

Because I am not sliced bread and never will be.

Don't Call It A Comeback...

2011-06-24T18:35:00.001-04:00

Sigh... I loved him.
Vanilla Ice.

Oh wait.

It was LL COOL J.

Same thing. Right? lol :)

Isn't that a freakin riot that I thought that song was Vanilla Ice's doing when in reality, the beefiest most African Of American males sang it? Typical.

Bass Ackwards is always me.
I'm good with it though.

So as LL says--- Don't Call This a Comeback... I've been here for years.

A few things happened this week that have brought me back to my "dashboard" driving this rig.

1. I ran a twitter party for Mac Kid.

2. Someone asked/ said, "I don't see what the draw is to blogging. "
I said-- me fucking neither.

3. Another person emailed and had the gall to say , Thank you--
to me that is!

THANK WHAT???

For my writing style.
As it had inspired her to write as I do. Freeing her.

* crickets*

Quit making me explain shit and just take my word for it that someone actually thanked me for something.

I will GO GET HER if I need to!

I was very honored to hear that and most of all inspired to dust this shit off and see what was goin on up in here! She was inspired by my writing style---
yet I haven't written jack diddly shit in 8 months.

Ah but grasshoppa.. that must mean she's followed me for more than 8 months.
During my prime of " blogging" primeness.
;)

Yes. She is a groupie. This is true.

Shut up mandy.

How do I write you ask? Without a fucking care in the world. Spelling? Fuck it.

Grammar? Shut up.

Makes no sense?

Don't care.

Do I care if someone in the "resume" world sees my blog.

No I really don't.

No mom, I don't.

My plan for world self domination does not involve someone interviewing me for the position.

It's freeing.

Back to my comeback and those questions this week.
Seems odd that twice in one week -- blogs are brought up. I take signs seriously.
Or just like to say that because I seem mysterious and intense.

When actually I'm just off my meds.

My friend Krista-- who many of you know suffered a cardiac arrest suddenly while running at age 35 is alive. She shouldn't be. Grace of God are two words * shit that's three* I have learned since the moment I got the call, Nov 1, 2010 that she might not make it through the night.

Krista is now recovering --- almost 8 months later. 8 painful months after 2 of them -- coma bound.
But if you never met a fighter in your life--- meet my Krista. A CRAZY fighter. Strong.

She's changed my life thinking-- my life emotions, my life choices. She's changed my life in intense ways.

That's why this blog wasn't important for so many months. About 8 months to be exact.

But maybe it's time to start that world domination plot again--- * tapping fingers* and I think it involves writing again. * intense , narrowed eyes*

Does that make me seem mysterious?

I might be back -- somewhat.

Feel free to send me a thank you letter.

Knocking Boots-- Not really. Just eggs.

2011-04-15T10:03:00.000-04:00

Easter morning at the Supah household hosts all kinds of fun festivities--- but most anticipated.

The Annual Family Egg Cracking Contest.

Most children wake up on Easter morning to search for their Easter basket. Some families pile into their cars to attend worship services but THIS editor's family wakes up to wonder, WHO WILL WIN THIS YEAR? Will it be me?

You heard right.

We crack eggs, we make a contest of it and we are downright RUTHLESS. A tradition started in my father's family years and years ago it is something I have been doing since I was a young little chicken. No pun intended. That's even a picture of my sister and I up there. Doctored, but still us. We were fierce about this competition and by golly-- still are.

Little did I know there was actually some history to this marvel of events and it's actually a common EVENT in many countries INCLUDING the USA!

EGG KNOCKING!

Or Pacques Pacques --- the French term for "Easter Easter "and also-- the sound the eggs make when knocking!

It's simple. To participate in such an event. You need at least two people. Each has a "chosen" hard boiled egg and prays that the "force" will be with their egg. ( at least I do)

One person holds the egg with the end pointed and waits while the opposing contestant attempts to crack it with the pointed end of another egg. Then the positions are reversed while the contestants test the flat ends of the eggs.

The goal: CRUSH YOUR OPPONENTS EGG TO SMITHEREENS!!

Sometimes...YOUR egg ends up cracking though. That's not a happy time. As evidenced by my 1997 loss.

When you have a cracked end: you must continue play with only one good end.

The person that receives two cracked ends first---is out.

The person with the remaining one or two good ends: gloats and moves on even if you're a Great Grandma.

Imagine March Madness Poll-- Gone Egg.

Divide up your family members, make up a bracket to record the "matches" and play until the FINAL CHOSEN ONE IS REVEALED.

There can ONLY be ONE winner. And THIS year in MY family-- it shall be me.

My tenacious research has shown that there's even some science to choosing the winning eggs. TOP SECRET INFORMATION BELOW : ( this message will self destruct in 3…..2…1 )

Ping the end on your front teeth-- and the sound you hear will help to determine your eggs strength. Softer eggs will make a blunt, dull sound. According to experts. Ahem. Winning eggs will make a high pitched " ting." Sounds official huh?

I'm totally trying it this year.

I'm also boiling my hard boiled egg in coffee grinds--- for super duper strength. If any of you share that tip with any of my family members--- I shall find you.

Happy Easter, Happy Passover to all! Enjoy the day no matter what crazy tradition your family does!

Ghost Adventures VS Supah

2011-03-26T20:44:00.000-04:00

My hother mucking fusband consitently watches Ghost Adventures.

If you're not so blessed as to be tortured with this show nightly , in your own De LA Casa. I will brief you.

Briefing;

Travel Channel

Zak, Nick and Aaron.
Ghost hunters. Round the world.

Zak- token hot guy --- yells at the ghosts to COME AND GET HIM.

Idiot.

Likes to get personal with the ghosts. Is a bit of a drama king. WHERE THE heck this dude came from .. I have no idea.

Sometimes I eye him up for lots of reasons. ;)

Ahem.

But mostly it's because I can't tell if he's a BIG FAKE! I give him the squinty eyes narrowed eyes---- the whole show.

Nick-- Normal dude. Takes orders from Zak.

Aaron- Big fat dude who would push over both Zak and Nick while running out of the " haunted place." Cuz he's a totally wussyfoot. I love him. That would be me. If I weren't ME.

Cuz I don't do that shit.

I'm the girl who left sleepovers because the evil girls started SEANCES? SAONCES? BEYONCE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

I'm the girl who didn't pee all day in 4th grade because the EVIL BIZNOTCHES of 3rd grade Wilson St. ---- did Bloody Mary in the Bathrooms each hall break.

I ASK YOU--WHERE WERE THE TEACHERS????

So they go to all these places and are locked in for 12 hours. They have all this equipment--- and some of it captures voices on other frequency levels.

This is when I freak out and start BA- LEIVIN!

IMA BELEIVERIMABELIEVER.

Anyways.
Guess WHO falls asleep during the PINNACLE OF EACH SCARY ASS EPISODE.

one
d.
b.
d.

Leaving me alone with ZAK AND THE DEMONS!

AND I WANT TO KILL HIM.

So I kick him. To wake him back up. And then I pretend I have no idea what he's talking about when he jumps.

And I say---- maybe it was a ghost?

:)

I'm not sure which is worse. Diners Drive Ins and Dives--- or Ghost Hunters.

Pork -- and Porkin.

2011-03-22T21:48:00.002-04:00

I've lost almost 25lbs doing hardly anything these past 7 weeks. It's so lovely to type that.

I'd like to type it again.

I've lost almost 25lbs doing hardly anything these past 7 weeks. It's so lovely to type that.

So I was talking to my friend Mandy Mommy Of Fo+ 1. She started the same program I'm on cuz I'm so smokin hot she can't stand to look another moment at my hot mess o self---- without hauling her lazy butt in to the program too. Cuz the program is for lazy people.

She and I are good with that.
We're not offended . Lazy's R Us. We'll be sending out coupons soon.

So anyways.. cut to the chase. I asked her if she had sealed the deal so to speak… and actually joined.

Well that biznotch…. she one upped me and not only JOINED Lazy Fat Club, she totally got the cool gadget that measures your metabolism during the day. The gadget I passed on because it costs me more dollahs.

She and I will be speaking in a dark alley soon and I will come out of that alley with a new metabolism gadget.
:)

So this go go gadget: here's the gist.

So in essence you wear the super cool gadget-- that I don't have… the entire day or week and I guess your fat coach checks on it to see how you've been doing when you "check in" … and from what Mandy Mommy of FO+1 says--- they can even TELL

If
You've

Had

Sex

My first thought was.

Can it tell if I faked it?

BWAAAAA HA HA!
Okay enough.

My second thought was.

Can it tell that I've been watching Food Wars and Diners, Drive INs and DIves before I go to bed. Just to torture my 25 lb less -- lazy ass that still wants to eat this stuff?

Can it tell that I DREAM of this stuff.

Not joking friends.

I dream of Pork.

If it can tell I've had sex. ( register ZERO)
Then it can certainly tell that I"ve been dreaming of pork pulled sandwiches and Tony Luke's Philly Cheesesteak VS Pats Philly Cheesesteak right?

And then my other super awesome friend chimed in and said: I bet it would look the same on that gadget. :)

BWAHHH
AHA
AHHA

I just thought that was smokin funny.

Smokin.

Mmmm…. smoked pork.

See… and I JUST said to my biggest and only fan --- that I don't really have anything to say.

Eshakti 20 dollars for YOU-- from me!! Yee Haw!

2011-03-09T13:05:00.000-05:00

I get tons of requests to advertise crap on this blog and I pass up most of them. But Eshakti I do not!

I love these clothes!!

THEY JUST EMAILED ME A 20 DOLLAR GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR ALL OF YOU TO USE. NO MINIMUM PURCHASE!!

Love the clothes because they are unqiue, they wear well and they can freaking be TAILORED to fit you for CHEAP if you want!

Code is

supah98

20 bucks from me to you .

YOu are
so
welcome.

I have a coat that I love from them. I have lost 20lbs this past month and now it floats on me. I am so sad.

But . I'M GOINNA FIND ME ANOTHER SKINNY COAT :)

Here's their site.

Don't Fits

2011-03-07T08:51:00.000-05:00

I've decided that it's necessary to list for you the varying sizes of how jeans " DON'T FIT."

It's important for your day to continue.

Trust me.

Jeans are cruel.

There's no way that one pair of jean style -- fits ANYbody's body booty perfectly. There's always some " awkward" portion to the jeans. The ass finally fits but their are ' CAMELS' abound front wise.

That would be a " DON'T FIT."

The length is super fab for your leapord flats -- but the freaking waste hits right on your 10 mile hips. And slides right down off your 2x4 ass.

That would be a " DON'T FIT."

You find the PERFECT waste size, your gut isn't baking muffins -- but your ass looks like a super atomic mom pant WEDGIE.

That would be a " DON'T FIT."

Oh that's just ME?

Cruel.

Jeans should be spray on.

They can make us orange tanning?

Just add some blue food coloring? Spray that shit on.

Jaden's Mom very sick. Please pray for Julie Duttine.

2011-02-24T07:55:00.000-05:00

For those of you who know the story of little Jaden and his miracle. Those of you who prayed for him. His mother Julie has taken a turn for the worse and needs prayers. If you can find time to day to think of her and to pray for her comfort, pray for the doctors to find an answer to this madness please please do. She is in uncontrollable pain due to her cancer. She was admitted to the hosptial last night in terrible pain. A CT scan was done to check for blood clots and they are awaiting results. She was sent home I believe. Her family is devestated to see her in such pain, this fighter who fought for her little Jaden. Who stayed so strong during his treatment. It is now her time for prayers. This is how this all started if you are interested in reading Jaden's story.

Thank you .
xox

My closet----

2011-02-16T22:02:00.000-05:00

Ever see the Suzy Jenkins -- Suburban Housewife stuff? Riot.

I was thinking about my closet the other day. The closet of a MOFO HOUSEwife.

I LOVE HOW organIZED people with no kids have their shit folded or grouped into colors/ seasons. I hate your faces.

I was thinking I would organize my closet as so.

Left side.

Short sleeve Old navy tshirts with bleach stains.

LEft Side Middle.

Short sleeve ripped old navy tshirts with bleach stains.

Left Side End

Stretched out Old navey tshirts -- and a few long sleeved v neck old navy tshirts that the hems are now wider than the rest of the shirt.

Freaking old navy.

[

Right side.

Yoga Pants that come down to hairy calfs.

Right Side middle.

Yoga Pants with bleach stains.

Right side end

Yoga Pants that cover hairy calfs.

Up the MIddle

Sweatshirts with holes.

next to but not touching--- sweatshirts that have shrunk but I still hold on to. Oddly. Like a hoarder.

1 wrinkled ass shirt that is for GIRLS NIGHT OUT.

It's been there for 7 years.

It came out of the dryer that way.

And that is the closet of a MO FO Housewife.

TWITTER PARTY TONIGHT: Macaroni Kid and OXO

2011-02-16T15:59:00.000-05:00

I have passed on the baton for Twitter Parties to our wonderful @mackidnwcbus

THere is a Mac Kid Twitter Party TONight ! Don't miss !

Twitter PARTY Tonight! Hosted by @mackidnwcbus , 9pm EST Wed #mackidtips...great prizes from OXO Tot & FUN! http://ow.ly/3Xdys

Macaroni Kid, Macaroni Kid EATS, OXO TOTS and celebrity chef James Briscione will be entertaining YOU during this one hour Twitter Party on February 16th at 9pm EST.

We will explore some helpful food tips for our little ones, some neat tools from OXO and of course….great prizes!

Yes, prizes such as OXO’s cute sippy cups, Tot Whale Pail, and MORE plus the final prize: Kodak Pulse Digital Picture Frame! I can’t you all of them can I???

So, kindly RSVP- one person on this list will win an early RSVP prize! (the RSVP list will close at 9pm EST on 2/16)

Hashtag- #mackidtips

Hosts: @MacKidNWCbus (Yes, I am @breebees too, for this one I am Mac Kid all the way)

Additional people to follow: @marriedNcooking (which is James Briscione) and @OXOtot

Go here to RSVP

Boogie's New Hat-- Win a $25.00 GIFt Card My Baby CLothes Boutique

2011-02-07T12:38:00.005-05:00

Winner # 4 Nikki Desantis. Chosen by random.org.

Congrats !

WANT TO WIN A $25.00 GIFT CERTIFICATE? CHANCE BELOW.

Isn't she the bees knees? Sigh.

I just lurves her so much. That hat makes her even cuter huh?

My Baby Clothes Boutique asked me to kindly check out their store and of course I said SIGN ME UP after I saw the massive selection of ADORABLE kiddo stuff! They have kindly given me A $25.00 Gift Card for one of YOU as well!

I know.

They're awesome.

My Baby Clothes Boutique searches to find the cutest, most comfortable, and highest quality clothes and accessories available. Their goal is to offer these unique and trendy boutique style clothes at affordable prices!

If you won that Gift Card: What would you buy?

Tutus? Every little princess NEEDS a tutu. Baby Clothes!? Perhaps some Baby Headbands? Or will you, like me, choose Baby Hats? Because every child should have AN ATROCIOUSLY ADORABLE EVERYONE WANTS THIS " Baby Hat."

Look what they sent ME to check out !

I have had no less than 15 compliments on this hat ALREADY.

Of course. It's adorable. You can obviously see that. BUT--the quality is very sturdy and it's well constructed. It's not in any way flimsy or thread bare like SOME CHEAPO places that I shop ( ahem) and the yarn used is nice and soft. No scratchies here !

SUPAH LIKES.

Take a look at their selection and find one that YOU love. THERE WERE A WHOLE BUNCH OF SALE ITEMS :)

Find them on FACEBOOK, TWITTER subscribe to their BLOG OR SIGN UP FOR THEIR NEWSLETTER TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW ABOUT PROMO'S ETC!

WANT TO WIN A $25.00 GIFT CERTIFICATE?

LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW TELLING ME YOUR FAVORITE ITEM ON THE SITE. ( 1 entry)
Be sure you have a valid email attached to your profile or left within the comment.

FOR ADDITIONAL ENTRIES: ( 1 per item completed)

I do check all entries and look for proof of completion.

1. Follow them on on FACEBOOK
2. Follow them on TWITTER
3. Subscribe to their BLOG
4. Shout out your favorite product on twitter. Include my name please @supahmommy

Ex. "LOVE THIS @SUPAHMOMMY ! ( LINK GOES HERE) I want to win it !"

5. Go to their FACEBOOK and leave them a comment telling them your favorite item and that you're being sent by the awesome most awesome awesome awesome Supah.

6. Become a NEWSLETTER My Baby Clothes Boutique subscriber for their site. ( You can find it on the site, bottom left lookin at the screen)

7. Tally it all up for me. Leave it in ONE comment so that I have an accurate record.

Ex.

Supahmommy- supahmommy@gmail.com

I love the argyle hat for girls! 1

I followed on FB, Twitter and their blog. 3

I shouted out on twitter. 1

I commented on their facebook page. 1

I signed up for their newsletter. 1

i tallied. 1

8 total please!

Contest rules.

You must be 18 years of age to enter.

You must leave a valid email if it is not attached to your profile.

You must leave at least one comment as stated above.

You must claim your prize via email within 24 hours of notification.

Contest Ends February 14th, 2011 at midnight.

Fraudulent practices will be cause for removal from the contest.

DBD sayz: Re-cycled thought for the day.

2011-02-03T12:27:00.000-05:00

The other week as I was walking out the door

(in some sort of frustrated Mommy Mood as he stood at the door and watched us leave in a tizzy of shoes, coats, hats, ballet bags, karate uniforms and the likeS

DBD said or did something that led me to halt in my tracks. I'm not sure what he said thinking back but.

Here's what I did. And how it all played out.

DBD-- " blah blah blah somethingstupidassthatisaidthatstotallygoinnapissyouoffdebby blah blah blah"

HALT.

Turn around.

GLARE.

SUPAH SNARLS; " IF you do THAT. There's goinna be WAR. "

HE SHUTS THE DOOR.

Peers out at me from behind the safety of the 8 panels of glass.

GETS BOLD.

Opens the door a crack.
AND Yells out. …

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!!

Only my house.

Oprah Sayz One Minute: Supah Sayz , Suck IT!

2011-01-29T00:37:00.000-05:00

I have been workin my tookas off people!

But here I am at 12:35 AM taking the time to love up on you with a post!

One that brewed on facebook and was a surefire hit.

So I figured I'd release the madness here on the blog.

I am almost 1 year into Macaroni Kid! Remember when I first told you bout this stuff?

Um. And you ignored me.

Well from 80 publishers nationwide to over 330 today.

That means. Either you joined me or you didn't.

Would I steer you wrong? LOL?

NO.

BUT OPRAH WOULD.

HERE'S WHY.

OPRAH SAID ON HER SHOW LAST WEEK.

(I know this because I was attempting to watch it and read her lips as my children screamed around me. )

She said,

EVERYONE should have at least 1 min of quiet time per day.

I know.

You freakin laughed too huh?

I tried it.

So Oprah.

Baby.

SUCK IT !

Make this video VIRAL!

And the rest of you --- ask me about Mac Kid.

I swear to you --- it's FOR YOU.

supahmommy@gmail.com

Also-- because of Mac Kid.

I will possibly be a regular on our local television news show.

WATCH OUT OPRAH.. IMA COMING FOR YOU !

LOL

You are in sheer disbelief at how I can connect topics huh?

me too.

MORE N*UTS. WHAT WE ALL NEED.

2011-01-06T12:43:00.001-05:00

JUST when I think there's nothing good to write about.

The phone rings.

So remember when DBD--

Wait. Stop.

* newbies
DBD is my husband---- it's stands for DEATH BED DAN .
A name I christened him with when I found him cough coughing from a FREAKIN cold… in bed… propped up on a pillow with a cold washcloth over his forehead. Like a civil war soldier- wounded in battle. I dropped what I had in my hand--- spun on my heel and left to call my sister.

So DBD is sick these past few weeks. At first sign of DBD " cough" …. my insides begin to get all twisted and tight. I feel the crunch and tightness in my chest and begin to sweat in my pits.

Here it begins. Next will be the hot baths and soaks

I will have to reach to the Gods of Tolerance and beg for some mercy.

Because we all know--- moms have to literally have SHATTED in their pants from the flu--- to get an hour off. IF they even get that.

So DBD has been sick.
He FINALLY went to the doctor.
He calls me and I say-- what's the verdict?

Are they cutting your head off or what?

"NO "replies DBD " cough cough " ( supah rolls her eyes C. A. M. )

DBD, "THE DOCTOR SAYS ":

…
…

…

….

WAIT FOR IT…

IT'S GOOD.

My tonsils are as big as BALLS.

The biggest he’s ever seen!

Supah is stunned.

Recovers.

SO .

YOU HAVE BALL- I-TIS.

IN YOUR THROAT.

and you're slightly proud?

NICE.

WILL YOU BE USING YOUR BALL SCRUBBER TO TEND TO THEM???

* seems DBD might have to have his TONSILS OUT if the BALL-ITIS doesn't go down.

Imagine that. DBD

A SURGERY.

F. M. L.

* SEEMS HIS SNORING ISSUE MIGHT ALSO BE RELATED TO THIS

Can you be in love with a clothing company? Eshakti

2011-01-05T21:45:00.000-05:00

About a year ago I was fortunate enough to be asked to do some reviewing for eShakti , an online clothing site that offers customized clothing to fit both your size and your style. I raved about it the first time I used it and I have honestly used it several times since. They make the most unique clothing and I always feel very classy and put together when wearing them. This summer I purchased two great shirts on my own and then most recently I purchased my New Year's Eve Dress and a ruffled coat.

I had them customized to my sizing. A necessity with someone as " wobbly fluff" as myself.
It's always such a relief to KNOW it will fit.. before I even try it on. I think regardless of your size--- custom tailoring is the way to go. We're not all one size or shape. Eshakti takes care of that for you for VERY LITTLE .

So check them out-- they are most assuredly Supah Approved and they are my " go to" when I have an important occasion. Someday when I'm a star on the red carpet---- I'll wear eShakti and you can all say -- I KNEW HER WHEN SHE WAS BLOGGIN ABOUT THAT COMPANY :)

Can you be in love with a clothing company? I am !

Chance to get away?

2011-01-05T08:37:00.001-05:00

I'd love the chance to run away for a week but the truth is: I miss my kids when they are not with me? It's a maddening feeling ---- knowing I want some time alone but as soon as I get it. I feel this tight pull that tells me-- my kids are not with me. The maddness is not abound and it's way too quiet. Isn't that cruel?? Some mo fo man invented it I'm sure because I don't think my husband has any issues leaving the kids. He'd be the first to pack a suitcase wait.. NO.. a gym bag or plastic grocery bag ( better yet) and be out the door at first chance of " getaway." We had planned to go to Hawaii for our upcoming 10th anniversary but I'm not sure it would be much fun without sandy little butts, crying children with salt water mouths and sand bucket fights? Now would it? Who wants to sit down and RELAX in tropical Hawaii???? Surely NOT ME.

LOL

Okay maybe not?

Have you been away lately without kids or distractions ? Where would you go?

I think I'd leave my husband behind too.

Speaking of.. I have GREAT story about him.

Tomorrow.

When a friend returns.

2011-01-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

My friend.
My friend who was in a coma.

Woke up. After 2 months. AFter almost dying. After being on a ventilator , a trach and a feeding tube.
On New Year's Eve.

I sat at a Gala Event in a beautiful red dress ---- numb.

Thinking of nothing but her.
The decorations were perfect.
The women were dressed to the nines.

Real Housewifes of Kentucky so to speak.

Sugar Daddies with their little women.
Governers and officials.

A really interesting event to say the least.

I rode in a limo to and from the event.

I held a champagne glass up for a toast.

I put on a hat for New Years.

But I could not reel that festive spirit in.

New Years meant nothing to me.

But my friend - awak and aware. Meant everything.

I couldnt' shake the depression I had fallen into since she fell ill in Nov. I didn't even realize myself til that night that I was very much battling with the reprecussions of such emotional trauma in ones life. I didn't realize until I couldn't muster up any emotions ---- worthy of her exciting news.

Why?

I was terrified.

That it wasn't true.

That it was "reaching."
That it was a fluke.

A cruel joke.

I was holding my breath with every moment of that party. Thinking of what she was doing and what it meant. Would she remember me?
Would she continue her progress?

Was she hurting?
What did she sound like.

I was told only that she was answering yes and no questions. Sitting up in a recliner. Saying hello to people when prompted. This was purposeful action.

On our way home the next day from Kentucky----- I made my husband stop so that I could see her.

The car pulled up in the driveway and we came to a halt. My stomach lurched and I couldn't get the car door open fast enough.
I remember the hollow sounds of my boots on the driveway.

Ringing the doorbell I had no breath.

It opened and I could see that she was in the recliner.

I said hello to her family ---- and went to her.

Sat on the stool next to her and surveyed the situation.
My sweet beautiful friend. Still --- was not who she had been.

Then her head turned.
"It's me Krista, Debby. I heard you woke up and I came as soon as I could. " I whispered as I bent close to her face.

She stared at me….
turned her head to the side , made a mad face and sighed.

Her sister came in and said" Say Hi to Debby. "

And in the sweetest most muffled , garbled most beautiful voice------- she said

Hi debby.
As tears streamed down my face I said--- do you remember me.

" yes. "

The grips of depression and the emotional chains fell .
It was real.

She was there.

I had to leave the room for several instances. When she was able to tell someone how many fingers they had up

It meant she could see.

When she answered " YES" TO a statement that I made: about her and I getting so old… it meant that her mind was safe. That she understood sarcasm.

She should be dead.
Thank you --- all of you for praying for her.

Her recovery will be long and the extent of her injuries from anoxia are not yet known. But as her shackles fell--- so did mine.

MY FRIEND IS ALIVE AND BACK !!!

Running on Empty--- blog

2011-01-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

I took my follower button off a million years ago because I hate it. BUT-- the sucky part is: it STILL appears in my dashboard.

It's similar to the gas light that comes on when you're running low on fuel.

BLOOP = YELLOW LIGHT

CRAP! I YELL… because I'm USUALLY almost home.

1546
1545
1234
1109
698
400
200
10
0

Losing followers STILL .. makes me go "CRAP."
Shake my fists to the sky and roar….

SONSAMOFOS

Someone literally decided to go through all of bloggers hoops and boofuckles to figure out how to UNFOLLOW ME.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO UNFOLLOW SOMEONE.

I watch it go down daily and internally I struggle because I am slowly letting go of something that has made for many " adventures" in my life. This blog represents another part of my life ---- a life that I've let go. A part of my life that sheltered me --- sheltered me from myself many days.

It's a good thing that I no longer need that shelter. It's still hard however to see it taking slow breaths… laboring to live. I want to run to it and pump it full of life again.

Letting it go is -- difficult. I still have things to say… I think. But just not here.

Anyone been at this crossroads?

The Things I Do--

2010-12-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

LOrd I have THE BEST job.

Look at this one.

Purposeful

2010-12-16T01:39:00.001-05:00

Along with the vicious emotion that set in when I learned of Krista's plight---- I also somehow garnished this new ability to not be able to shut my mind off.

Purposeful.

This is a word used over and over in terms of her case.

She is in a coma.

She is unconscious.

She has movement and the ability to control her bodies functions for the most part.

But nothing purposeful.

Purposeful.

Purpose is a result, end, mean, aim, or goal of an action intentionally undertaken^[1],

Nothing that shows us that Krista willingly ---- and specifically ---- makes something happen on her own.

Purposeful.

I pray for it daily.

I say it over and over in my head.

I stare at my profile picture on facebook---- into her eyes.

I just stare. In the quiet.

Sometimes I stop typing and look up--- and she's there looking at me.

My throat closes. I hold my breath.

And I hear the words in my head...

Purposeful.

Depsite my best efforts--- tears stream.

I visit her when I can. I remain a cheerleader.

I stare at her in the quiet. While I play Harry Connick for her.

I stare. Every bit of her. I just stare and take in. Watching her " dance" the whole while.

She use to dance to Shoop.

Now she dances this odd " reaching " routine with her right leg and arms.

She almost knees me in the head several times.

I stare at her face as she turns to the side over and over. Like clockwork.

I note

How her eyelashes aren't very long.

How she has freckles on her cheeks.

How her teeth are so white.

I hold her hand.

Her fingers are clasped around splints… they are not the graceful , long fingers I once knew. They are beginning to peel and almost feel waxy.

My beautiful friend… is in a hospital bed and her skin is beginning to peel from it.

I growl to her… SAY SOMETHING.

SAY SOMETHING KRISTA PLEASE. USE YOUR VOICE.

YOUR TRACH IS GONE.

YOU CAN TALK NOW.

I gasp when she makes a sound. A muffled … low moan.

I then whisper. I know you're there

I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!!!!!!

I learn all of these terms. Glascow Coma Scale. Neurological --- rating scales. Awareness.

I begin to think of Krista as a number and then want to throw myself into a wall for doing so.

She is not a number on a scale.

She is Krista… who is silly and fun and so loving and who listens to freakin SADE and was made fun of it for.

My friend.

That I hugged goodbye in April.

She turned her head around and said " I love you debby " and kissed me on the cheek.

I endured a dinner at the restaurant we last met up at.

I went with some friends.

I had to put my head down at one point… overwhelmed for a brief second.

Why wasn't I more purposeful as a friend?

Be purposeful in your life.

It could be gone in an instant.

Or worse: someone you love could be gone with ring of a phone…

and you are left with your thoughts.

I'm magnetic….

2010-12-15T00:10:00.000-05:00

Or at least I love to think of myself that way.
I attract all kinds of stuff and sometimes that's not good if you know what I mean.

This past weekend we took a complimentary ski trip thanks to a client of my husband's. We packaged all the kids up in the SUV along with Gramma and Broocie. How a 2 ton vehicle ---- becomes a sardine can. Is beyond me… but us Supah's … we rise to the darn occasion.

One hour later we arrived in the bitter cold of Seven Springs. Hustled the kids outside and up to the chalet dodging snowflakes and booger freezing wind. You know that kind?

Oh yes you do. You're my kind of crowd.
That's a rare phenomenon. The booger freezing cold.

We get up the stairs- have half the shit unloaded. Are all standing outside of the door….
watching…
waiting…
fucking freezing.

Watching DBD slide the keycard ..
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
and
over

and then turn it around
and slide the key card

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

and

over

FUCK US if the cards didn't work.

The owner was in Vail. Col- o- fareaking-rado. ON A MOUNTAIN TOP . SKIING.

It was 10 at night.

With 3 little girls.

Booger frozen and uNhappy.

MADY had a chernoble quality meltdown in the front seat while we waited for a magic person to fly in on a magical carpet, land and let us in.

This did not happen.

So we drove down to the ski resort to .. make it seem like we were doing something when in fact we were desperately waiting for that return phone call from Vail Mountain Man.

While we were driving to the resort. Someone said-- -- those keys must have become

DE- MAGNATIZED.

somehow.

someway.

DE- MAGNeTIZED.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT for supah.

'DBD,' HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSES supah.

OMFG YOU MO FO ASS FO MO FO!!!

YOU

HUNG

THE

CARDS

THE

REFRIGERATOR

WITH

MAGNET.

And that was the beginning of our ski weekend.

I was stuck on baby duty. I guess somehow when she was born----- that was the short straw that I drew.

FOR

LIFE.

WTF!!!!???

HALFWAY through 3 meltdowns with her in the ski lodge I was wishing I was avalanching down the hill in true supah skiing fashion.

xoxox

Holiday Traditions For Supah~

2010-12-10T10:12:00.000-05:00

What are your holiday traditions?

Mine involve opting to help other families rather than accepting gifts that I really don't need. I'm blessed to have a husband that makes a good living. I'm blessed to have a job that pays me to do what I love. I am blessed with three very healthy girls. So my family and I look for opportunties to give back year long as well as at Christmas time. It just makes us feel like we did something … when you feel so helpless.

Last year was Jaden's year with his Jingle Bell Auction. Last year was helping a friend's friend who was terminal from cancer. We simply provided some spending money for a special cruise she went on.

This year.
This is what I'm doing.

MaryRose has read all of my posts from day one. From when I was a --- just a… person writing.
She's watched my blog turn from Debby to .. Supah. And she's supported every single MOVE I've made for others.

Praying, hoping, participating.

All the while raising a son with developmental issues as well as feeding issues, while battling a crippling disease herself and worse that I will not share. When it rains---- it sure pours for some of these sweet families.

They were blessed with Kerrigan Rose 8 or so months ago--- but 14 weeks too early.
Her life hung in the balance for two minutes after she was born--- when her heart stopped.

God was deciding if it was her time or not.
He gave her back to them and she has BATTLED ever since. But she is a sweet darling. Sweet as can be.
Look at her!

Her family raised funds to help MaryRose and her family pay for the astronomical medical care and requirements she needed. And I missed it because I had some other personal things going on.. Krista, Ethan etc.

Now … just a few days ago they were devestated with a positive test for Cystic Fibrosis for this little doll. Their journey is just beginning.

So perhaps you are like my family and are looking for a way this season or anyday…. to give back.

HEre is her story.

http://kerriganrose.blogspot.com/

There is a paypal button as well and as always… dollars add up.

If you have information or an inspiring story to share with Mary… please do so by emailing me.
Supahmommy@gmail.com

And keep them in your prayers as they travel this road with Kerrigan.

I told MaryRose something that someone left for Krista----

If he brings you to it--- he will see you through it.

xoxoox
supah

Google Words: Is Macaroni Kid a Scam?

2010-12-09T23:35:00.001-05:00

Blogger has this awesome new stats system that I at least JUST NOTICED. It's not like they've invented the wheel… but they've at least begun USING the wheel as far as I'm concerned. ( it's ABOUT TIME)

So one of the options are the google key words.

ONE OF THE MAIN KEY WORDS:
IS MACARONI KID A SCAM?

I just think that's funny-- not because I think anything is funny about what they're googling. But BECAUSE I WOULD TOTALLY DO THAT MYSELF.

So I figured I should answer that question for those of you appearing here by some odd chance. Wondering if Macaroni Kid is a scam.

No .

It's not.
In any way.
There's no scam. No hollow lollipops. No timex watches marked as Rolex.

It's nothing like a Mary Kay business, a Jewlery business etc.

It's real and you can do it fairly easily.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS IT?

It's a resource newsletter ( e newsletter) that you write for your local community , focusing on events that are happening. ( here's mine ) You publish it every week. You build a readership ( IT'S FREE FOR THEM) and you become a well known well respected source in your area.

It's a NATIONAL NAME. With over 300 local newsletters across the nation and internationally.
Moms, aunts, uncles, grandparents, college bound…. all publishing in their communities.

People just like me.
Driven, creative. Energetic. Social. Looking for SOMETHING , ANYTHING… to call their own.
This is ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS.

My area. We are TAKING OVER. We have SEVERAL MK's in the surrounding Pittsburgh area and we are all collaborating to make this the biggest baddest endeavor us " moms" have attempted.

I'm a mom -- just like many of you. I have 3 kids. My days are CRAZY. My house is a mess.

But I love what I do.
I make revenue on the advertising that is available on my AWESOME PUBLICATION that businesses WANT to appear on.

I meet tons of new people by connecting in the community. I have made incredible business contacts with such National Chains as Chick Fil A in my community.

I have gone from a mommy to a business person but haven't lost my mommy feel.
I do things on my own time, that benefit myself and my family.

There's no scam here.
The minimal monthly amount paid to the National Company for use of their name and the website with a team of programmers backing it is just that when you get down to the nitty gritty of this. Minimal.

I make enough money to cover that cost --- and still have money and perqs that make this job--

THE BEST EVER.

xoxoxo
supah

Email me and if you read this darn article and decide to give this a TRY .. Please. Tell them I directed you to them!

Go into business with Supah--- Eversave and Kisses for Kerrigan

2010-12-09T12:54:00.001-05:00

Hey Budget Blogger Wanna Make Some Moolah Friends… and help me raise money for a little baby girl born too soon?

Here you go: from moi.
Merry Holidayannaukawanzaristmas.

It's called eversave!
I doubted these things before friends… but they actually work. I COULDA BEEN RICH!! ALL THIS TIME.

GRRR..

Okay…
While you will not be able to but a pink cadillac… because I know you're all dying for one. You will be able to buy yourself something pink at least with the fun money you can pull in. Your blog has some space on it…you have the ability to post.

So let's DO THIS.
Make some moolah with me before your wallet is wiped out from the holidays. Sign on to be an affiliate! I have to sign so many people up and I LOVE to meet goals.

I'm also donating any percentages I get to my friend Mary Rose Gill's : Kisses For Kerrigan Fund.

Born 14 weeks to early and recently diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis.
This seems an easy way to give back .
xoxo

xoxo

Supah

Details;

You will automatically be entered into a few cash drawings that Bree at breebee.com is providing as a thank you for signing on to be an affiliate with Eversave via this google doc, Eversave will also pay you 8% of any sales earnings. You can also opt to place an ad banner/button on your site. Eversave will pay $1 every time a new member enters their email address on the corresponding landing page. WOW! (Current Eversave members won’t be counted).

What is Eversave? They find us great finds (some with specific locations yet daily national dealsl) and they offer it to us for 50-70% off the retail price! AND, you don' t have to rush to decide, most of the deals have the option to buy within a couple of days! Whew!

For signing on as an affiliate &/or opting to host a banner you will also be entered into a few different CASH drawings! The more that enter the more cash we can give away!

To be entered to win MONEY via paypal the 1st step is to complete THIS GOOGLE DOC, in a day or two you will receive an email from Eversave with your links to complete the process or Bree, bree at breebee.com (check your spam).

The terms of each program, etc will be available at each phase. {it does not matter where you live, this is open to anyone but please not if you are outside the US}. EverSave will be verifying entrants that complete the affiliate sign on.

If you are already an affiliate you are not eligible for this giveaway. (but you can opt in for the ad banner)

Entry into this giveaway will end on or before 12/31/2010 11:59pm EST (ending is based on entries), drawing for cash prizes will be on 1/10/2011, winners will be selected from the google doc via random.org and notified via email who will have 48 hours to respond to bree@breebee.com or another winner will be selected. Thank you, Bree

From my seat...

2010-12-02T00:34:00.002-05:00

Sitting tonight at the Bryan Adams concert 5 rows back I realized something.

I have ADD.

Pretty certain of it.

I couldn't even keep my eyes on that piece o hunk o man candy even when he was singing some of my very favorite songs. My mind and my eyes were wandering.

Are you able to fixate on one particular thing for long periods of time without drooling?

I can't.

So I was thinking during all of his wonderful songs some of the following; because I am nuts.

MY THOUGHTS:

I wish I could sing like that. But it wasn't meant to be.

I wonder if I'd have a signature move ---- like the one where he pulls his mouth away from the microphone during heavy singing…

I also wondered if he was sweating.

Are his jeans designer or did he buy them at the Levi's store?
I wonder if he has special jeans made?

Are they black? Black must be his signature color.

I wonder what my signature color should be. Definitely not purple.

I pondered whether or not his one leg was bigger than the other… simply because he tapped it more to the beat.

Then I wondered if someone shined his guitar because it was awfully shiny…. meaning shining in my eyes.

Then I wondered if his fingertips were softer .. or more calloused from all those years and summers of strummin on that guitar.

Then I wished I could feel his fingers.

Then I wished…. well I'm not sharing that .

I was wondering if his pianist was nervous.
If he looked for cues from Bryan.

Then I wondered if the spotlight ever pissed him off?
Cuz it pissed me off the few times it ran into my eyes.

Then I wondered if he noticed Bouncy Barbara in Row 2. Who was swinging her hair into her neighbors face. I wondered if he would forehead punch her if he was the recipient of that Bouncing Swinging Hair move. Cuz I would have.

I wondered how the bouncer got the message " NO CAMERAS' to scroll across his phone while he walked up and down the aisles warning us. Then I wandered why he was too lazy to fareaking say it out loud. All the other bouncers did.

Maybe he had laryngitis.

I wondered lots.

What I realized other than the fact that I have ADD , I'd never sing nor be as skinny as Bryan Adams…. was that everyone at a concert " views it" a different way.

For instance.

My sis. Viewed Bryan as the love of her life. Singing her songs.
My mom… while she loves Bryan as Nenny and I do …. she was looking at the instruments. I know it.
She's musical like that.

Me--- well … you know.
( see above)

I was also fairly concerned with the large amount of spit spraying out of his mouth …. that I could clearly see 5 rows back.

I was thankful I wasn't front row… no matter how much I'd honeybun him.

But everyone enjoys things, views them, sees them, immerses themselves in different ways. We all take something different out of life's adventures huh? Your Bryan Adams concert isn't necessarily MY Bryan Adams concert… and there's nothing wrong with that.

Look at me.
I'm Yoda!

GO AND VISIT Tooth Soap's ® really super awesome MENTION on MARTHA STEWARTS RADIO BLOG! I'm so excited I'm like a pointer sister!

LOOK AT US ON MARTHA STEWART RADIO BLOG!!

http://ow.ly/3irfo

LEAVE A COMMENT THERE!! 10 commenters will get FREE Tooth Soap!

I give it out. :) You might win!

xoxo

Drama in the Cereal Aisle

2010-11-30T22:20:00.000-05:00

I had to get out of my house today -- so much to DBD's dismay I loaded up the kids at 6 PM and headed out into the pouring down bitches rain… just to go to the grocery store.

Said grocery store has a kids drop off area. Now we're talkin huh?

Nuff said.

While driving there I looked back into the rear of my vehicle only to note that Olivia Newton John was joining me for our outing. It's always nice to have Olivia joining our outings.

Yep Yep had one of Booger Bears infant headbands wrapped around her head. Total Let's Get Physical Look. I almost yelled back for her autograph.

How she got out of the house without me seeing that.
Well.
You know.

I have three kids… and I suck.

So after dropping off two of the three at the super awesome grocery store that I would like to camp in we did some browse shopping-- simply for my sanity.

While we were in the cereal aisle towards the end of our trip there was a woman there on a cell phone. Clearly contemplating Cocoa Puffs VS. Cheerios ( blek!) while discussing some dramatic situation on her phone… at the same time.

I wanted to stop her and say---- Maa'm. Cereal choosing calls for the utmost of attention. Please… refrain from bringing your drama to the cereal aisle.

But I didn't. I just giggled and watched Booger Bear knock over 30 boxes of Cheerios. Clearly Booger Bear has tasted Cocoa Puffs and knows the what the what about Cheerios.

I was totally listening to her converstation too. Because I'm totally like that. I also stare.
You'll love me.

As I was listening to her angst about another friend who had cancelled plans that an entire group had made… only because she had found out this other particular friend had.. BLAH FUCKITY BLAH.

So anyways.

My point is … I wanted to thank her. Because she made me feel normal. I clutched my Cocoa Puffs, grabbed Boogies hand , stepped over the 30 boxes of CheeriBleks and thought to my self.

Everyone has drama huh? Even in the cereal aisle.

Life is good.
Life sucks sometimes.
But it's life and I'm glad to be in it.

Are you?

Axe

2010-11-30T00:04:00.002-05:00

So I hopped in the shower to find a brand new spiffy body scruff.

For dudes.

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt .
rewind.

FOR DUDES.

* shaking head*

Come to find out.. it's actually marketed as a
BALL SCRUBBER.

Of course it came as an accompaniment to his new body gel.

DUDE GEL.

I .
know.

What kind was it you ask.

AXE. or SEX it should be called

Dragon something or nother flavor.
DRAGON SOMETHING OR NOTHER. I repeat. DRAGON…

w
t
f

?

I have some ponders.

1. when browsing for a dude gel-- does he scope the aisle up and down , note Ivory, note cheap Walmart brand then zero in on Axe--- remembering the commercials of lust and seedy sex.

Yes. Tis true huh?

SOB.

2. When choosing a fragrance…. what made him choose Guava Dragon Slayer?? Or whatever it was called?

He wanted to channel his inner Knights of the Round Table huh?

Crimeny.

If I come home and he's lounging on my bed in metal knight garb… trying to be all sexy.

I 'm filming it. Cuz it's a sure thing he's goinna pinch his balls in the metal stuff.

Just saying.
Freaking dragon gel.
As if the ball scrubber weren't enough.

Ball SCRUBBER.
IN
MY
SHOWER

Dear Krista

2010-11-28T23:17:00.003-05:00

When I first saw you , you were sitting in front of me in the Zurn Lecture Hall at Gannon University. We were at a freshman orientation meeting and your mass of black hair was swept back with a rolled up red bandana. I couldn't see your face… only your hair. Yet I knew you were beautiful.

I now sit by your side , surrounded by machines that monitor your every bodily movement… and I softly stroke that mass of hair. Pushing it back off of your face.. over and over. Just feeling it on my fingers. It is so soft and it has not changed much. Ang has it brushed back and pulled into a pony tail high up on your head. There is no red bandana but the mass of thick waves are still there. It's piercing black and there's a little bit of grey speckled throughout. I see it as I push your hair back over and over. When did your hair begin to grey? When did we get old enough to have grey hair Krista? I marvel at it.

A sign .. that we have grown up. That years have worked their way in… without us knowing.

Seventeen years…where did it go?

17 years ago you were laughing about something as you sat in front of me…. Your laugh was addictive. I immediately was drawn to you. I tapped you on the shoulder in that lecture hall and said, " Your hair is sooooo pretty."

Now I whisper to you in between blips and beeps of a monitor… sourrounded by tubes and tangled masses of cords that all function for you in some manner.

Don't give up Krista.
Fight . Fight .
You are not done here.
I know you 're scared but we're all here for you.
And we're not leaving you until you are back with us.
You take your time sweet girl. You take your time.

And I brush your hair back again.
I touch your skin and watch you breath. You are so silent.

I'd kill to hear you laugh again. I'd give up more than you could ever imagine.

We sat on the dock at Presque Isle.

Forumlating a plan to become roomates that following fall. To share a dorm room.

Little did I know we'd end up sharing 17 years of our life. Milestones… so many.

Roomates, sorority sisters, co workers, weddings, heartache, welcoming children, new jobs, divorces, new homes, reunions, moves, deaths of loved ones, family and friends…. … I had no idea that tapping your shoulder would bring me such a full friendship.

Now I sit by your bed side with my head resting on your bed rail. Watching you breath … in and out .. .in and out…. in and out. Wishing I had spent it more wisely. Your eyes are closed and I study your face while you sleep. You look so young… so innocent .. so peaceful. I wonder what you're thinking while you are so quiet.

I tell you about the lady that ran the gift shop… who had a few screws loose.
I laugh and imagine what you'd have said to her …

I read you the cards people sent… and I secretly cry while I do so.
You have touched so many people in this life.

Can you hear me?
Do you feel me when I stroke your hand.. and offer my own to squeeze when you begin to tremor? Do you know that I grip your hand?

I pray for you to squeeze. Anything…. anything Krista.

You used to hug me… you were so easy to love Krista. So easy to surround and hug. So easy to open up to. You said that I gave the best hugs. You said it for years. If you could wake up now… I'd never let you go.

I never ever thought that the first time I ever fell to my knees and screamed to God… for help. That it would be for you. My sweet friend. That utter devestation…. would finally knock me over… and it would be about you.

I talk to God all the time now. I bow my head and I give all that I have and feel--- to him. I pray that he takes you and comforts you until you find your way back to us. Because I know nothing else to do. I have nothing in my control.

I go to sleep thinking of you in that hospital bed. I wake up wondering if today will be the day you come back to us. If your smile will light up a room again… if your brown eyes narrow with a sarcastic comment. If you'll bust out in a dance move or tell me about your bike that you just got. Or just wake up to HUG ME again… to tell me that you love me as we did when we said goodbye last spring when we met up.

The single most comforting thing is that you told a friend a few weeks ago… that you loved me. That you always knew where I was.
I'm right here Krista and I'm not leaving until you wake up so that I can tell you how much I adore you.

You take all the time you need friend. Until then… I'll sit on the dock and wait for you and when you come back.

I'm goinna kick your ever loving ass.

xoxoxo
d

Every single day...

2010-11-25T01:41:00.002-05:00

It's always difficult to admit that it takes a near tragedy to change how you run your life. I am that person. Now admitting to you that I ran my life differently 3 weeks ago than I do today. Three weeks ago my dear friend of 17 years suffered from a sudden cardiac arrest at age 35 years while jogging. It is a pure miracle that she is still alive. A PURE miracle. Most who suffer from cardiac arrest, with an enlarged heart as she unknowingly had - do not survive. She is still in a coma. I have seen her on machines that were propelling her body to live. I have seen my friend lying motionless for weeks. I have seen so much.

So much time is left when something like this happens. So much time left when have only the "quiet" between you , yourself and you. Time to question. Time to stare in the mirror.

Questioning your methods in life, your relationships and the way you treat others. You question.

I realized that if my friend was not in my life----- I would be beyond devestated. I have not done our friendship due justice. I realized that I hold back emotionally as a friend , as a mom, as a wife, as a sister and as a daugther. I hold back. I waste precious moments hoarding my own love…. keeping it to myself. Not reaching out. I am stingy with my love.

That's not going to work.

Everyday Krista makes tiny strides towards coming back to the person that she was before this happened. However I'm not certain that even when she returns to us-- she will be anything near that person she was.

I don't think any of us will be.

And it will be a good thing.

Happy Turkey Day Everyone-- celebrate and be thankful every single day. Don't hold back .

xoxo

supah

TWITTER PARTY WITH MAC KID- RSVP FOR PRIZES! THIS TUES! 11/23

2010-11-22T08:24:00.001-05:00

GIVING THANKS IN 140

A Community Twitter Party in Honor of Thanksgiving

November 16, 2010. Water Mill, New York: On Tuesday, November 23 from 9:00-10:00 pm (EST), Tweeple are invited to join the Macaroni Kid family to share some of the things for which they are giving thanks this week – all in 140 characters or less! hashtag #mackidtips.

At this feel-good party, the Twitter community will be encouraged to chat about all of the wonderful things in their lives, from children and family to the opportunities that have presented themselves … and of course, there will be a healthy dose of favorite Thanksgiving traditions, recipes and foods.

The party will be sponsored by Egglands Best (www.egglandsbest.com) and will feature prizes, giveaways and plenty of laughs.

"What better way to kick off the holiday season then by connecting with friends, recognizing our communal good fortune and giving thanks,” explains Joyce Shulman, Macaroni Kid's Chief Macaroni Mom (@macaronikidHQ).

This will be Macaroni Kid’s eighth monthly Twitter Party.

The party will be hosted by Macaroni Kid Publisher Mom and blogger extraordinaire, Debby P, who is better known by her Twitter handle Supah Mommy (@supahmommy).

Participants are encouraged to RSVP to be eligible for special RSVP-only prizes by signing up HERE .

Avalanche

2010-11-20T21:05:00.001-05:00

Did you ever have an avalanche day?
Where your action leads to other actions that eventually spin out this beautiful avalanche of national geographic quality.

Epic.
Lifetime movie quality.
Oxygen channel even.

Destroying all that's in it's path with vicious ferociousness.
Because you can find no other way to let it out.

I wiki'd Avalanches wondering what CAUSED an avalanche. What the single mitigating factor was to start the destruction.

Avalanches only occur when the stress on the snow exceeds the shear, ductile, and tensile strength either within the snow pack or at the contact of the base of the snow pack with the ground or rock surface.

I don't know what mumbo science jumbo you just read but I read this:

Stress on the snow ( me) exceeds the strength.

I have met my match.
My life demands finally exceed my personal strength.
My friend remains in a coma.
My personal life is unraveling.
My children probably hate me.
There is not enough coffee in this world to help me through this.

I am a mess and the avalanche that happened today---- began a few weeks ago. Snowflake by snowflake I began to avalanche.

Today.
Just.
Was.
Bad.
And.
Continues.
To .
Be.
Bad.

Two donuts didn't even fix it.

Maybe tomorrow it will be better.

Were you ever an avalanche?

Crack Houses.

2010-11-20T09:07:00.002-05:00

I've finally taken the time to rework my site and I'm happy with what I've done. Supah- still developing. Because I am a gosh darn always work in progress. Never quite at the point where I am my best. I'm okay with that. So I'm happy with my new look and if you don't like it --- well. You know.

Suck it.

So in the 338 household things are pretty much amuck. My house is a mess. Mess is putting it mildy. It looks like vagrants are squatting here doing crack in the corners. Although substitution for crack would be eating waffles in my family room and drinking milk out of sippees whose lids magically open and spill on my beautiful couch of 2 years. That smell is goinna last longer than the efffing couch.

We now live a vagrant life because I cannot keep up. The rules I once had in place. IE: I will kick your 2 cheek bootay if you step foot out of the kitchen with food--- -has gone to pot.

Our shoe cubby / shoe room used to be a pit stop before gaining entrance into the rest of the house.

I found little shoes in the toy drawers yesterday.

The dogs. Who are never allowed to rub their smimy butts on my couches.
NOw sit on top of the pillows like queens.

Because I am working so fucking much it is insane. I love it. Don't get me wrong. But I either work-- and have a crack house. Or I don't and have no money, no drive to do anything that fills ME up.

I'll take the crack house.

To all the crack houses out there.
To all the crack hoes who work from home.

Cheers :)

p.s . My friend is in a coma. She has not yet come out of it. Please pray for her.
Julie is on meds for her terrible pain and she is recieving chemo.
Jaden is doing well.

:)

Julie- doing better. Prayers for Krista

2010-11-05T09:39:00.000-04:00

Moments after getting word that Julie is doing a bit better - I got a message that my college friend of 17 years and my first real friend in life- had had a heart attack while jogging.

Krista is 35 years old and as healthy as can be. We are with her in Ohio and we need prayers for her to come out of this unscathed.
xoxoxoxo

pLease pray for Julie, Jaden's mom.

2010-11-03T00:02:00.002-04:00

For those of you who know Jaden. He is doing miraculously well.

Find it in your heart, take just a minute to stop and think of his mother right now. Julie, my college friend. A mother of two little boys, one 3 year old who has battled and so far beaten cancer himself. She herself has battled cancer since her mid 20's. She is very very sick right now and my heart is broken for this family who has endured through this year what you and I could never know. Now they must do it again .

She is in the hospital and has been for a bit. She is in terrible pain from complications with her cancer and the family is asking for your hearts and minds once again.

Please pray for Julie.

xoxo
d

KATCHING UP WITH SUPAH KARDASHIAN!

2010-10-24T13:04:00.003-04:00

SO did you KNOW that Kourtney's baby dadday PUNCHED A MIRROR?

I didnt' know this. ANd none of you shared this with me.
I could have intervened for them.
I'm a good intervener.
Kourtney would TOTALLY listen to me.
I just FEEL IT.

Baby Dadday needs to GO and so do his SUITS! EY YI YI! HE looks LIKE AL CAPONE gone R. LAUREN.

You all suck for not telling me this drama has all been going on while I've been working my ass off.
* not forgiven*
staring at YOU.

This has been my weekend " find."
Kardashians Marathon on E.

It just doesn't STOP.
I keep expecting to be cliff hanged… but I think I must've begun watching from DAY 1.
My eyes are like THIS.

I also can't stop staring at their bootays. THEY GOT SOME JUNK IN DA TRUNK.

My bootay is like a 2x4 times 98.
It's not right.

So. Katching up with me - SUPAH KARDASHIAN.

Here's what I've been doing.

1. SAGELY LIVING - DAILY SAGE
I've been testing out my VLOGGIN skills in a different way on a cool blog I found. If you'd like to get to know me in a non supah way----- I'll serve it to you on a silver platter. Let me know you stopped by over there with a comment or a subscription. I felt like I needed something of more value to me than just my one fun blog--- so I tried to collaborate with a blog that offered some self…. introspection :) You can find me in the skype comments section. FEEL FREE to leave a video comment and send it to sagelyliving@gmail.com .

2. Mac Kid TWITTER PARTY! THIS WED! 10/27 9 PM EST

SWEET DREAMS IN 140… this is goinna be OFF THE HOOK!
They have a dream expert and will be giving away THESE AWESOME PILLOWS that I have been using myself. 100 DOLLAR PILLOWS.

RSVP HERE EARLY. <---details here too!

3. Mac Kid.

I'm a publisher. I have my own business.
This is my new life along with working for the most awesome company out there Tooth Soap® ! I have a SUPER SPECIAL DEAL for any of you who have been HIM HAWWING about starting this up in your community! It is STILL the BEST thing I've ever done FOR MYSELF AND MY COMMUNITY.

I make money.
I get tons of GREAT PERQS! ( I just secured Harlem Globetrotter Tickets and also Media Access to the Barnum and Bailey Circus as well as a 10 week Kindermusik class! - F - REE)
I bring this awesome resource to the community.
I work with awesome people and repersent a TRUE company that people can trust and be a part of .

Contact me for the SUPAH DUPAH NOVEMBER DEAL! HURRY!

I ALSO got a butt implant.
That's the big news.

I had to be more KARDASHIAN.
So sue me.

xooxox

Chief , meds a flying pig, meeko and diving in. ...

2010-10-20T09:14:00.000-04:00

Beginning with meeting up with Chief. A-gain.

She's one tall drink of water and a freaking pecker head to boot.
Nothin you all didn't know already !

Peck.
her .
Head.

" YOU ALL didn't even take a minute to acclimate to each other? You don't even KNOW each other." says Chief's family whilst she was relaying hilarious details of our weekend trip together of yesterdays past.

Numero one:

I DO know this chick. She is what my nightmares are made of because of it. If I have to hear about her acid butt pee one more time- I'm throwing myself in front of a moving mini- van. ( hoping it's going slow and abiding by all rules as mini van moms should.. then I can be dramatic but alive)

Point is: I know her. We're like freaking Shaverne and Lerly. Squenny and Liggy. But bass ackwards of course. WE TALK EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY, bicker incessantly and totally pretty much don't make a move without consulting the other and then totally blowing that advice off after finding at least one wolf pack member that agrees with our side.

If I have to admit. I kind of like her …. we keep each other going. I also look better than her in this pic. A rarity cause the bitch usually looks nice. She also eats eggs ,ketchup and cornflakeS for breakfast and wonders why she has THE BOO BOO HOLE BURN. * duh*

She goes through freaking withdrawals if she doesn't have a shot of my wittiness in her ass daily. She's fucking awesome. So when we meet in person- it's just simply to get er' done. Not a " oohhh im freaked out meeting you in person " freak out session. No way . It's , "HEEEEEY! " Yahhhhhh! AND we move on. All of my wolfies are like that.

So anyways it was cool that I got to spend the weekend with her doing something that she and I have both grown with- Macaroni Kid. If you've thought about this - dude. IT IS SERIOUSLY wonderful. You have to contact me to talk more! And if you sign up- you BEST tell them I sent you or else.
supahmommy@gmail.com

The truth is that most people I meet - feel like they've known me forever. I'm pretty genuine and frankly pretty real.

I scream in my sleep, ask Chief. You can't tell from the pic below but Chief is on the ceiling ,stuck, hangin like a cat on a screen door after I screamed in my sleep one night.

I'm normal. WHO DOESN'T scream like a mo fo banshee at 3 am?

I poop in the shitter at 5 star resorts.

It was the artichoke Chief made me eat. Marble doesn't intimidate me.

I forget my room key all the time- luckily chief sticks it in her ass crack for safe keeping.

She's ANAL like that… BWWWW AHAHAH .

I gossip here and there. Ask Chief.

The bitch usually starts it and I just correct her and pray for her soul when she turns her back.

There's tons more I have to tell you bout Chiefy but that is for another post and I can synopsized-isize it well in two words.

LOVE
HER.
Even if she told me I looked like a turtle in another picture.
I told you she was a pecker head.
It's kinda in the fine print of the friendship. Check that shiznot!

Now.. I KNOW HER anal ass well enough to know that she's composing a post in her head that will tell you all how dull and boring I am and that my TTY was too big at the dinner table and that it crowded her elbow space…..and that I drink too much , ate the last FUCKING DELICIOUS shrimp she was eyeing up and wasn't fast enough for…. and that i gambled my life savings away while she prayed for my soul * and secretly hoped I would win 8765 thousand and buy her a stock in diet coke*

So I'm sure she'll bash me.
Tell you secret secret shit about me.

It's part of her need and insecurity to make herself feel better as she just cannot bear the fact that I , supah , cannot be beat or taken down- in any situation* .

Unless.
* disclaimers
I am not on my meds. ( yep. Forgot them in Vegas. Began to cry when I had to write a note to myself during a self building exercise…. So she rolled her eyes and fucking wrote it for me-- I just stuck feathers on my craft while trying not to weep. Then I made fun of her bow on her own craft. Chief and a BIG PINK ASS BOW representing love and beauty…..- you woulda made fun of it too.
I rock as a friend.)

I also…. CAN BE TAKEN DOWN EASILY if you act like a total fucking donkey's ass the minute before I have to leave for a seminar ( husband) making me feel like I"m in the 1950's with your all I AM BETTER THAN YOU AT FINANCES.

THAT just deserves a long distance throat punch and yes it indeed brings my ass down.

Leaving Chief to roll her eyes and pick up the crumbling pieces of an all too emotionally volatile Supah.

Last, it's also possible to bring me down by taking something of value from me.

Say for instance…an award for something Mac Kid related.

An award I loved to death and had plans of putting on my TV stand for daily admiration…..only to realize during takeoff that I left the porker in the rental fucking car.

Sitting on the Tarmac - I begin to UGLY CRY and frantically text Chief that the ADVANTAGE CAR RENTAL PLACE is holding MY FUCKING FLYING PIG hostage and that I'M not sure I WAS taken seriously when I left a message on the lost and found line ABOUT MY FLYING PIG STATUE.

That kinda shit COULD POSSIBLY bring me down.

Otherwise I'm pretty stellar in all capacities.

While in Vegas I also met these chicks- knew them somewhat online previously - had a riot filled lunch with them during our stay. Some of the best parts of the trips. Look at Chiefs arm. Isn't it long? Fucking Go GO Gadget.

That's Bree from Breebee.com and Shayna from Texas Monkey. I fondly prefer to call her Sha na na. They were simply awesome.

And last: This dude.

Meeko Fab.

You all know and love him. I have for a year now! He's participated in most every stupid stunt I've come up with and he's been A TRIP to know!

That is not Chief's Drink.

I was so FA REAKING excited to meet him it was insane.
One of the highlights of the trip. :)

Having the opportunity to meet in person someone you've had many x 's and o's with over the year an not a one bitch fight - is simply indescribable.

Blogging and writing in an online world allow you to remain somewhat aloof if you so choose - but if you're like me and you dive in - making your online counterparts a very real and valid part of your life you'll be rewarded one day.

One day you'll walk across Ceasar's Palace- see Meeko fab walking towards you say , " there he is. that's him."
and your heart skips to see him because THERE HE IS. IN THE SASSY FLESH. And he is all THAT AND A BAG Munchos.

"All That And A Bag of Chips "- urban dictionary definition

A 90s saying that was popular... back in the day. Its means somethings cool.

Enrique: Yo' mann, look at my new ride!
90s kid: Hey, that's all that and a bag of chips!

Someone that you took the time to dive in with. :)

So Dive in with someone- what else do you have to do ?

Unless you are too busy crying about your Flying Pig Statue that just wasn't meant to be. But there's only ONE person on Earth that that shit happens to .

So you have no excuse.

Sitting In An Airport

2010-10-14T03:48:00.001-04:00

Here I sit in an airport ...

that I got to in plenty enough time ...

to make my 5:30 AM flight...

to Vegas to meet up with Chief and Meeko Fabby

Here I sit.

Because the truth is folks...

I got here at 3 AM

( because I am prompt .... and attentive to security requirements of the FAA... and also because I decided to forgo sleep this evening and felt that if I stayed at home any longer- I might actually fall asleep upright)

So I drove to the airport.

Well within the 2.5 hours before your flight window -

and was eeeeeeeeeeever so pleased to see that the Us Airways check in counter

does not open until 4:15 A. M.

That's what that red says in the blurry ass pic.

WTF USAIRWAYS??

Oh... I see. 4:15 am.

currently 43 minutes from now

WHYYOUDIRTYROTTENMOTHERFLUCKERS.

THE ONE TIME I decide to PACK A BIG ASS BAG AND CHECK IT IN.

( so my shoes could fit )

I get here at 3 am... to find that it doesn't open until 4 FUCKING FIFTEEN AM.

SIGH

So I decided to sit down in a comfy grey pleather chair

far

far far far faaaaaaaar

away from the two over achievers camped out in the US Airways line

(most talkative over achievers if my grumpy self must say)

Who talks this early in the morning?

Certainly not I.

I did smile at the janitor.

But I think it was because I felt bad that instead of cuddling up with his wife or his dog or his favorite body pillow between his knees... he has to clean the shitters.

and that was BEFORE I saw all the sketchy characters they allow in the airport waiting room - pre-dawn.

Sketchy my ass.. more like.. broke down homeless people looking for a crack fix. What the fuck!! * clutching my mac tight*

TAKE THE SHOES! I HAVE LOTS OF THEM! LEAVE THE IPAD AND MACBOOK!

Anyways - I sat down to have a convo with you in between fearing for my life and composing a letter to the Pittsburgh Airport Authority about this whole shenanigan US AIrways has been pullin~

I sat down to talk to you..

* looks you in the eye*

Bad music playing* * boyz 2 men.. end of the road*

I feel bad.

I feel as if I've broken up with you all

but pulled the mother fucker of the year trick and

texted you a break up.

Internets. It's me... it's not U.

Hasta xooxox Supah

It is me.

It's not you.

I was all gung ho making that new site and then I got busy - and a month went by and I neglected you all.

I haven't been writing on the side.

Don't worry.

I'm no two timah.

I'm just gettin mah groove back.

And they just turned the lights on at the airport.

It was like a tiny miracle.

A sign.

A symbol of supah starting up again.

Turning on the lights!

I have no idea where the fritata im going to write ... but just catch me where you can..

if i don't die first at the hand of some crack fiend in the Pittsburgh INTERNational Airport!

VEGAS HERE COMES SUPAH!

A Message To Those Of YOu Left ON the Island

2010-10-07T12:42:00.001-04:00