Relax Turkey-- Just Relax Little Fella

"They offer STRESS FREE turkeys."  says Nenny as we look up on Giant Eagle Market District-- how to get out of cooking a turkey dinner.


"What the duck fid you say?" says me.

"Did you say STRESS FREE?" says me.


"Yes.  STRESS FREE." says Nenny.


"Wait… what do you mean STRESS FREE? … Like… they're relaxed and shit?"  says me.


* I wait for her to laugh and say NOOOO…. I meant ABC..IDONTCARE.  *


"Yes.  ST. RE. SS.  FA.  REEEEE." repeats she.

"SAY WHAAAAAAAT?" says uneducated moi.


She sighs exasperated yet calm like a snowflake (Or turkey I guess)  answers.

"Yes. THE TURKEY'S are given a CALM open, STRESS FREE, environment in which to grow and thrive so that when they are MURDERED UP DEAD AND WE EAT THEIR CARCASS COOKED WITH A SIDE OF TATERS  packaged they have less hormones in them that are dangerous."

OH… OH… OH.  I see now.

I get it.


My bird shouldn't be stressed during the holidays BEFORE I kill it up good.  Only I get to stress out about whether or not I'm eating a bird that had a fuckin spa treatment before going to the feather plucker or not.

TOUCHE LITTLE BIRDY TOUCHE!

GOT IT.