My hother mucking fusband consitently watches Ghost Adventures.
If you're not so blessed as to be tortured with this show nightly , in your own De LA Casa. I will brief you.
Briefing;
Travel Channel
Zak, Nick and Aaron.
Ghost hunters. Round the world.
Zak- token hot guy --- yells at the ghosts to COME AND GET HIM.
Idiot.
Likes to get personal with the ghosts. Is a bit of a drama king. WHERE THE heck this dude came from .. I have no idea.
Sometimes I eye him up for lots of reasons. ;)
Ahem.
But mostly it's because I can't tell if he's a BIG FAKE! I give him the squinty eyes narrowed eyes---- the whole show.
Nick-- Normal dude. Takes orders from Zak.
Aaron- Big fat dude who would push over both Zak and Nick while running out of the " haunted place." Cuz he's a totally wussyfoot. I love him. That would be me. If I weren't ME.
Cuz I don't do that shit.
I'm the girl who left sleepovers because the evil girls started SEANCES? SAONCES? BEYONCE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
I'm the girl who didn't pee all day in 4th grade because the EVIL BIZNOTCHES of 3rd grade Wilson St. ---- did Bloody Mary in the Bathrooms each hall break.
I ASK YOU--WHERE WERE THE TEACHERS????
So they go to all these places and are locked in for 12 hours. They have all this equipment--- and some of it captures voices on other frequency levels.
This is when I freak out and start BA- LEIVIN!
IMA BELEIVERIMABELIEVER.
Anyways.
Guess WHO falls asleep during the PINNACLE OF EACH SCARY ASS EPISODE.
one
d.
b.
d.
Leaving me alone with ZAK AND THE DEMONS!
AND I WANT TO KILL HIM.
So I kick him. To wake him back up. And then I pretend I have no idea what he's talking about when he jumps.
And I say---- maybe it was a ghost?
:)
I'm not sure which is worse. Diners Drive Ins and Dives--- or Ghost Hunters.
Pork -- and Porkin.
I've lost almost 25lbs doing hardly anything these past 7 weeks. It's so lovely to type that.
I'd like to type it again.
So I was talking to my friend Mandy Mommy Of Fo+ 1. She started the same program I'm on cuz I'm so smokin hot she can't stand to look another moment at my hot mess o self---- without hauling her lazy butt in to the program too. Cuz the program is for lazy people.
She and I are good with that.
We're not offended . Lazy's R Us. We'll be sending out coupons soon.
So anyways.. cut to the chase. I asked her if she had sealed the deal so to speak… and actually joined.
Well that biznotch…. she one upped me and not only JOINED Lazy Fat Club, she totally got the cool gadget that measures your metabolism during the day. The gadget I passed on because it costs me more dollahs.
She and I will be speaking in a dark alley soon and I will come out of that alley with a new metabolism gadget.
:)
So this go go gadget: here's the gist.
So in essence you wear the super cool gadget-- that I don't have… the entire day or week and I guess your fat coach checks on it to see how you've been doing when you "check in" … and from what Mandy Mommy of FO+1 says--- they can even TELL
If
You've
Had
Sex
My first thought was.
Can it tell if I faked it?
BWAAAAA HA HA!
Okay enough.
My second thought was.
Can it tell that I've been watching Food Wars and Diners, Drive INs and DIves before I go to bed. Just to torture my 25 lb less -- lazy ass that still wants to eat this stuff?
Can it tell that I DREAM of this stuff.
Not joking friends.
I dream of Pork.
If it can tell I've had sex. ( register ZERO)
Then it can certainly tell that I"ve been dreaming of pork pulled sandwiches and Tony Luke's Philly Cheesesteak VS Pats Philly Cheesesteak right?
And then my other super awesome friend chimed in and said: I bet it would look the same on that gadget. :)
BWAHHH
AHA
AHHA
I just thought that was smokin funny.
Smokin.
Mmmm…. smoked pork.
See… and I JUST said to my biggest and only fan --- that I don't really have anything to say.
I'd like to type it again.
I've lost almost 25lbs doing hardly anything these past 7 weeks. It's so lovely to type that.
So I was talking to my friend Mandy Mommy Of Fo+ 1. She started the same program I'm on cuz I'm so smokin hot she can't stand to look another moment at my hot mess o self---- without hauling her lazy butt in to the program too. Cuz the program is for lazy people.
She and I are good with that.
We're not offended . Lazy's R Us. We'll be sending out coupons soon.
So anyways.. cut to the chase. I asked her if she had sealed the deal so to speak… and actually joined.
Well that biznotch…. she one upped me and not only JOINED Lazy Fat Club, she totally got the cool gadget that measures your metabolism during the day. The gadget I passed on because it costs me more dollahs.
She and I will be speaking in a dark alley soon and I will come out of that alley with a new metabolism gadget.
:)
So this go go gadget: here's the gist.
So in essence you wear the super cool gadget-- that I don't have… the entire day or week and I guess your fat coach checks on it to see how you've been doing when you "check in" … and from what Mandy Mommy of FO+1 says--- they can even TELL
If
You've
Had
Sex
My first thought was.
Can it tell if I faked it?
BWAAAAA HA HA!
Okay enough.
My second thought was.
Can it tell that I've been watching Food Wars and Diners, Drive INs and DIves before I go to bed. Just to torture my 25 lb less -- lazy ass that still wants to eat this stuff?
Can it tell that I DREAM of this stuff.
Not joking friends.
I dream of Pork.
If it can tell I've had sex. ( register ZERO)
Then it can certainly tell that I"ve been dreaming of pork pulled sandwiches and Tony Luke's Philly Cheesesteak VS Pats Philly Cheesesteak right?
And then my other super awesome friend chimed in and said: I bet it would look the same on that gadget. :)
BWAHHH
AHA
AHHA
I just thought that was smokin funny.
Smokin.
Mmmm…. smoked pork.
See… and I JUST said to my biggest and only fan --- that I don't really have anything to say.
Eshakti 20 dollars for YOU-- from me!! Yee Haw!
I get tons of requests to advertise crap on this blog and I pass up most of them. But Eshakti I do not!
I love these clothes!!
THEY JUST EMAILED ME A 20 DOLLAR GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR ALL OF YOU TO USE. NO MINIMUM PURCHASE!!
Love the clothes because they are unqiue, they wear well and they can freaking be TAILORED to fit you for CHEAP if you want!
Code is
20 bucks from me to you .
YOu are
so
welcome.
I have a coat that I love from them. I have lost 20lbs this past month and now it floats on me. I am so sad.
But . I'M GOINNA FIND ME ANOTHER SKINNY COAT :)
Here's their site.
I love these clothes!!
THEY JUST EMAILED ME A 20 DOLLAR GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR ALL OF YOU TO USE. NO MINIMUM PURCHASE!!
Love the clothes because they are unqiue, they wear well and they can freaking be TAILORED to fit you for CHEAP if you want!
Code is
supah98
20 bucks from me to you .
YOu are
so
welcome.
I have a coat that I love from them. I have lost 20lbs this past month and now it floats on me. I am so sad.
But . I'M GOINNA FIND ME ANOTHER SKINNY COAT :)
Here's their site.
Don't Fits
I've decided that it's necessary to list for you the varying sizes of how jeans " DON'T FIT."
It's important for your day to continue.
Trust me.
Jeans are cruel.
There's no way that one pair of jean style -- fits ANYbody's body booty perfectly. There's always some " awkward" portion to the jeans. The ass finally fits but their are ' CAMELS' abound front wise.
That would be a " DON'T FIT."
The length is super fab for your leapord flats -- but the freaking waste hits right on your 10 mile hips. And slides right down off your 2x4 ass.
That would be a " DON'T FIT."
You find the PERFECT waste size, your gut isn't baking muffins -- but your ass looks like a super atomic mom pant WEDGIE.
That would be a " DON'T FIT."
Oh that's just ME?
Cruel.
Jeans should be spray on.
They can make us orange tanning?
Just add some blue food coloring? Spray that shit on.
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