Love Hard.

His shoe swung around the side and I could see just how little it truly was.  A dark leather dress shoe--- probably bought at Sears or JcPenneys.  The size of my hand.  Tiny….yet having to plod through, step by step, this  big huge world of emotion.  No 5 year old should have to do this.


  A shoe that should have been a Transformers sneaker cacked with mud and muck from whatever it is that little boys do.  Instead, his little foot was dressed up to say goodbye to his mommy.  

The fuzz of Jaden's little head, would peek out occasionally from beneath the broad shoulder of his father.   I could see the back of his head briefly.  Fuzzy from his treatments, even almost 2 years past now.   He's grown so tall, no longer the baby face we all prayed for for such a long time.  Like a little bird.  He on one side, Joey on the other.   Joe, Julie's husand in the middle. wingedly protecting his little boys ---sitting in the front pew so naked to the world.  So vulnerable up there.  So vulnerable.

 The emotion going on behind them from the hundreds of people there to mourn-- a seeming wave threatening to wash over all of them.   He is a rock, I thought.   While the waves part around him.

  Joey's head would lean on his father's shoulder and his tiny little arm, clothed in a suit jacket, would reach around to pat his father's back.  It was gut wrenching.  A mighty grasp for such a little arm.

Joe never let them go.  He stroked their heads and gave them kisses as only Julie might have been able to when she were alive and healthy.  It was incredible how he filled that pew with warmth.    It was solace in a time of deep sadness.  That he will be what they need.


He swept Jaden up with one arm and held Joey's hand with the other as they followed the procession at the end of the service.  The strength and fortitude of this man--- who has lost so much was a gut wrenching kick to all of us--- who think we have so many problems.

My love to this man -- who will do great things for these boys.  I do not know you Joe as I did your sweet wife…  -- but Julie knew you  and she left the boys in your amazing hands.



Life is fleeting.
Love hard.

Mady came up and saw the picture while I was posting this.
"Julie" I told her.

Jewwwwyeee-- she said.

Mommy's friend I said.
Mommeee- fwend?  She questioned.

Yep.  Mommy's friend.


You will be missed in this world Julie Andrulonis Duttine!  You will be missed.