THIS …. ( so your kids don't have to get the CLAP )
There are a few freaking things they don't tell you in the instruction manual.
Let me help you all and give it to you "straight."
What they NEGLECT TO TELL YOU .. #1
- You will hurriedly put up Mt. InflatedMoney , get the kids in their suits, peeing in their own excitement only to realize when you are to the FINAL STAGE OF SET UP in the scorching hot " BALL OF FIRE IN THE SKY SUN"….
That there is no "final stage" piece."
The fucking part that sprays water- ain't no where to be seen.
It's probably flown off to Mexico--which is about what Nenny and I ( mostly me) wished we could have clicked our heels and done.. right about then and there.
Bartendah! Bring me another round yells "no kids" Supah as she swims up to the pool bar in Somewhere Totally Safe Mexico. ( and then creates a Tsunami wave washing over the bar because she ate Olive Garden this week) I digress.
When something like this happens: Supah is fa- reaking useless. Pulls up a chair, dreams of STS Mexico and watches the Nenny go to work.
Nenny is the Macguyver of MCGUYvers. I AM CONVINCED OF TWO THINGS. Wait , 3.
1. I cannot spell Mackgyuver.
1. I cannot spell Mackgyuver.
A. NENNY CREATED MACGUYVER HERSELF out of rusted screws, a diet snapple cap and a pair of pantyhose.
B. She could build a RUCKING FOCKET SHIP if she wanted to and I could invite you all over for tea and crumpets while we flew safely to Mars in her creation. This would be no "drink the koolaid " type of situation where I was faking you all out--- if Nenny says she can build it. It's safe. And we're GOIN TO MARS BABY!!!
She BUILT THAT "unincluded" PIECE FROM WHAT I SWEAR TO YOU was bendy straws we stole from my friends party, portions of my guest shower and my neighbor Paul's outdoor hose.
Never mind the clepto issue.
She got it to work.
The girls have been enjoying Mt. Inflated Money for days.
However the weather hasn't cooperated as much as we'd like and we also had a trip to the Emergency Room due to FLU IN THE SUMMER.
WHO.
GETS.
THE .
FLU.
IN .
THE .
SUMMER?
MY KID.
WHO.
GETS.
THE .
FLU.
IN .
THE .
SUMMER?
MY KID.
During these times of UNUSE.
What they NEGLECT TO TELL YOU .. #2
is that youll be babysitting this effer like it's ANOTHER PLUCKING CHILD.
Nursing it.
Keeping it from the rain.
Running like chickens to deflate the effer when the rain cloud beckon!
Running out in lightning LIKE A FOOLIO to retrieve the "electrical components" <--smart.
Flipping the TOTALLY INFLATED EFFER UPSIDE DOWN and following Nenny's "plan" for drying it out properly.
Cuz she's alllll about proper.
*clickheelsclickheelsclickheels*
You will also be forced to go outside late at night after it's had it's "Drying time." You'll feel CREEPY EWWWWWW BUGS CRAWL ON YOU because it is DARK and CREEPY EWWWWWW BUGS crawl in the DARK.
Your sister will not help when she says the word
SLUG.
And you flip your lid and your skin turns itself inside out.
AND once you settle your shit down-- Nenny instructs further.
Your sister will not help when she says the word
SLUG.
And you flip your lid and your skin turns itself inside out.
AND once you settle your shit down-- Nenny instructs further.
Nenny says' JUMP."
to force deflation.
to force deflation.
You will JUMP like a white girl can jump, imagining dunking like Air Jordan in his prime, becauSE when you're told to JUMP by nenny, you follow directions. It's how we roll round here.
So you will JUMP
( and get some AIR before impact ) ONLY to
A. LAUNCH YOUR SKINNY ASS SISTER,(who was innocently trying to deflate HER SECTION of Mt.INflatedMoney) directly to MARS.
WHO NEEDS NENNY'S SHIP! ?
Then you will ROLL ON THE DRIVEWAY LAUGHING SO HARD YOU LOSE WEIGHT----
and then promptly get your ASS UP.. when you remember this word.
SLUG!!
And THOSE are the things they don't tell you about when you purchase this fun stuff :)
7 comments:
Those always look like such fun. I wonder if I could buy one for my neighbors. Then they would feel obligated to let my kids play on it but I wouldn't actually have to deal with it.
The worse part it, all that is so true! Therefore, my live in man friend deals with the damn thing! LOL
The Clap....priceless. Once again, laughing my ars off. Like I said before....would love to be a fly in your house....hysterical.
I think this shoukd be the commercial...
This does look like tons of fun! I would have to hire someone to put it up for me.
it does look like a lot of fun! :) They are a lot of work to deal with though, I'll give you that :)
A friend of mine just introduced me to your blog and I feel like I have found my blogging counterpart! Finally, someone I can REALLY relate to! Love your blog. Intend to come back!
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