Don't Fits

I've decided that it's necessary to list for you the varying sizes of how jeans  " DON'T FIT."
It's important for your day to continue.  

Trust me. 


Jeans are cruel. 
There's no way that one pair of jean style -- fits ANYbody's body booty perfectly.   There's always some " awkward" portion to the jeans.  The ass finally fits but their are ' CAMELS' abound front wise. 

That would be a " DON'T FIT." 


The length is super fab for your leapord flats -- but the freaking waste hits right on your 10 mile hips.  And slides right down off your 2x4 ass.  

That would be a " DON'T FIT."

You find the PERFECT waste size, your gut isn't baking muffins -- but your ass looks like a super atomic mom pant WEDGIE.

That would be a " DON'T FIT."





Oh that's just ME?

Cruel. 

Jeans should be spray on. 
They can make us orange tanning?  
Just add some blue food coloring?  Spray that shit on. 

9 comments:

MommyLovesStilettos said...

BAHAHAHAHA!! I hate jeans shopping. I have a J LO butt, small waist and fat thighs. I'm pretty much screwed!

HalfAsstic.com said...

And my husband doesn't understand why buying jeans with me is so hard... I am SO glad to see it's not just me!

Crazy Me said...

Ugh stupid jeans!!! I HATE shopping for jeans, I just found a super cute pair that fit so awesome but because I am so short they are forever long, I am having to take them to a seamstress just to get them to fit right in the length!

I have discovered that Aeropostle has some great jeans for my short stature and fit pretty well but still not like I would love to have.

Shell said...

I'm still thinking that I want to try pajama jeans.

K said...

You make it and I'll totally buy it.

I'm of the my ass is bigger than my waist variety. I get a lot of gaps and live in fear of flashing my backside.

gayle said...

I hate jeans shopping but I love jeans! I am so glad I can wear them every day and I do!

McGillicutty said...

How 'bout Jeggings??? I personally wouldn't even entertain the idea of them for me as I have an ass the size of Alaska but they are perfect for my six yr old as she can't stand jeans.

I always have to hem my jeans cos as well as a fat ass I have short stubby legs. Each pair of jeans has a specific pair of shoes.. it's ridiculous!! but fun too. Weird.

Kelly said...

I had a c-section for my twins 2 1/2 years ago, worked out like a mad woman, got thinner than I've ever been and LOATHE my post mom body. :? I'm left with an extremely narrow body, zero boobs, a bubble butt and a stomache that looks like a pruned old ass ;P I HATE buying jeans

Dawn said...

I, too, hate it!!
I have legs longer than any normal human being.... you'd think with all the models out in this world they MIGHT make jeans for women with long legs... but you'd be wrong. LOL
(or maybe it's that I'm on a teacher budget...)