If you weren't aware: last week I dug deep and shoved a FOR SALE SIGN down your throats.
POST IT NOTE TUESDAY; WAS SOLD!
LISTEN UP SKIMMERS!
TO link up for PINT from here forward.
Go and knock on her door!
She'll be waiting for youuuuuu…..
where the kisses are hers and hers and his….
Post It Note for Supah is through!
Da na na na na.
I hope someone gets that.
That One Mom aka Dreamweaver
Twitter - @That_One_Mom
That One Mom is a riot and will give PINT a good home and I thank her personally for giving to such a great cause so near and very very dear to me. :)
What an amazing response to the "sale."
Thank you all for your kind comments and musings about where it should GO .
Post It Note Tuesday has been sold for a substantial sum that went directly and fully to Julie Duttine to use to benefit the families at Children's Hospital Of Pittsburgh, 9th floor unit. The cancer unit.
IT IS AT this time that I ask for prayers for Julie as she is battling cancer herself and as always prayers for my buddy Jaden whose bloodwork checkup CAME BACK CLEAR!
I have more up my sleeve, as always. So I'll catch ya on the flip side. Much love to all of you, especially those who have done EVERY SINGLE ONE since it's inception…. I am touched.
BUT PINT was just the beginning.
I went out with a a friend we'll call RIOT GIRL last night to see Phantom of the Opera for the first time and before RIOT GIRLgot in the car I could see that she was visibly frazzled. I think there were sparks flying out of her darling little head before she got in my car. I had to reach down to quietly feel for my fire exinguisher - just to be sure I was prepared!
Ohh.. I was grinning inside. I've sooo been there. What might have happened? I LOVE I'M PISSED OFF STORIES!
Many things can cause a mama to be frazzled before a night out and usually it has to do with husbands and their lack of ability to make the whole " going out" process… easy. Sometimes it's about saying goodbye to the kiddos and sometimes it's simply about the second outfit you were forced to put on because the first outfit, the good one, is now smeared with boogers and spaghetti hand prints. That's a pisser all on it's own right thur!
But of course it was none of those things. It was hubby. Hubby had created that beautfiul halo of hell fire shooting out of her head. It was quite impressive . A compliment coming from one who has roasted herself a DBD for many a thing.
" I'm would have no problem ripping his face off his skull right now!" says RIOT GIRL
Sigh.
Husbands.
Can't live with them…. cant' live without wanting to kick their asses most days.
As we were talking I was ensuring her that a night away would make it all better. It's like vodka for the soul or better yet…. a barbie bandaid on a nonexistent boo boo. It just makes things BETTER.
Of course we had a good time. RIOT GIRL and I are two of a kind and a FREAKING HOOT to be around if I must toot our own horns.
RIOT GIRL was lucky enough to be seated next to some fat ass who CHURCH HUMMED the entire score of the musical as a courtesy , free of charge. It made the evening - marvelous.
You know what a church hum is dont' you? That TRILLING? That … notjustalowhum … that shrill , trill, hUMMING of old 60 year old plus churchies singing to heaven. God love them.
Of course I was right. A night out hearing a church triller was all she needed. As well as a couple of theatre approved sippee cups full of kaluha and cream.
I dropped her off happy and ready to hug her hubby despite whatever he had done.
As a sucky wife of almost 10 years now, 11 relationship I have found that things roll off a lot easier. I choose my " hills to die on" so to speak and find that in a few days and sometimes even hours…. I've moved on.
I was never able to do that before in our relationship. I would stew for days. ON SIMMER. SLowly boiling. Our marriage was in dire straits according to young I!!! HOW DARE HE!!! Divorce imminent.!! BRING ME THE PAPERS!! I had my pen ready. Every other day.
Things are never easy- but as you grow in a relationship that is fairly healthy you learn to give and take and you learn to pick your battles AND your hills.
Sometimes all you need is that Barbie Bandaid, a church trilling hummer and some time with a RIOT GIRL to feel like you can go back to life, deal with it and move on.
Have you found that as you've grown up - as you're marriage has grown. It rolls off easier, the moments of flame and hell fire?
And more importantly. Did you notice the unintended wording 5 lines back?
WHO DIED AND MADE YOU COMMANDER CLICK????!! says me inside my head.
* evil teenage glare behind her back *
I WOULDN'T ever dare say it outloud because then she'd stop helping me with whatever task she had been " tasked " with by me.
Knots in a shoe? - Nenny.
Need picture frames hung in a succinct manner? Nenny
Need a rocket ship built?- Nenny
Figure out this computer program - Nenny.
Everybody needs a Nenny!
Two easy payments of $9.99
BUT WAIT….
So I JUST click some more just to passive aggressivley piss her off.
But I am an admitted clicker.
When I am filling out an automated address forms with drop down menus.
I constantly live in Uganda.
Often time Palau is my city of occupancy.
Because I am "quick like cheetah."
Albeit, mostly an inaccurate cheetah.
Which is why my emails look like this.
SUPAH EMAIL:
the dude has wanted to be a naval fighter pilot since age 3. Navy avionics tech..worked on tomcats for 4 years and watches very mutha flying avionics show available. It is his passion...he has walleye vision some wasn't a likely candidate for naval fighter pilot...lmao poor kid. So chess..there's stillma 3 ur old in that husky beef of a man..yearning to fly .
and which is why my friends say THIS :
RESPONSES:
Mommyisinthebathroom
to me, Princess, chief Jenn
show detailsJul 13
o..m...g CHIEF... decoderring please
seriously, how big is the keyboard on the ipad? This big???
QUICK LIKE CHEETAH.
This is me.
IPAD keys should type as fast as my fingers move.
My teenytiny keyboard phone: should really just KNOW what I'm going to text instead of making me go through the painful process of typing on those keys. It should have ESP.
I'm not patient with stupid people.
I'm not patient with long lines.
I'm not patient with my kid when they are fighting!
Patience isn't REALLY a virtue.
That's what boring ass people who have time on their hands say.
People who enjoy watching dandelion seeds blow to timshuckitytoo.
We had just returned home from the party store. Preparation for the next days' Pirate and Princess party at our local Chick Fil A had begun.
My publication was sponsoring the event and we had to be sure that, the original Mac Kids ( mine.) were most assuredly prepared for the event.
Meaning we bought the most sparkliest of sparkliest lead filled Pwincess Ca-rowns @ the party store after Yep asked me 567 million times to do so.
THis is Yep for those of you unaware. Age 4. Loves anything sparkly. The pink one is her. This is the after pic of the Pirate and Princess Night I spoke of.
Yep was in heaven.
I was thanking God she had finally left me alone about it.
She was speaking sweet nothings to it as we drove home that afternoon.
You are my spa-esh-shell ca-wrown. I yuv you so much.
I settled my ass into the dining room chair in front of my Mac Daddy of computers to check on events and such and to pretty much look for anything and everything to keep me from my laundry.
Yep was hanging out on the 'stoop.'
Our one step porch that I often threaten to throw myself off of in a fit of dramatic fashion.
No one ever takes me seriously.
They will after this story.
Some time goes by and I hear the front door open. Foot steps, that are obviously DBD's are coming around the corner.
I look up.
There is my husband.
Holding his right arm.
I think I broke my arm supah awesome wife. Said he.
Ok. He said.
Supah, I THINK I BROKE MY DAMN ARM!
Or some shit like that. I was lost at BROKE.
I dont' do well with squeeammyyy stuff.
I fell to the ground.
Just kidding.
Long story short.
Yes. He DID indeed break his arm.
SMITHEREENS.
SHATTERED.
Full fracture to his ulna, straight through.
You like when I speak medical to you huh?
This is him after the ER visit.
Today: as we speak.
He is casted from his shoulder to his wrist.
I plan to write :
My wife is more awesome than your wife! "- in big black permanent marker when he's sleeping.
Look at my new hair. I totally deserve that compliment.
And I also have been playing FLo fucking Nightengale for the past week.
I washed his armpit for him the other day.
That is the kind of loving wife I am.
Chief suggested I just give him a toilet brush to do that duty.
She wouldn't be allowed to write in scrippy marker on his cast. That's all Im goinna say.
I did however, refuse the ass wipe request.
I threw in some baby wipes, a wooden spoon, some duct tape and shut the door.
He was on his own.
( i was lying about that)
So the funniest part of the whole entire tragic story. Is how it happened and the second casualty of the entire event. The first being the Ulna belonging to DBD.
How it happened.
We have two dog lines ( chains, leashes.. whatever) out front. One on one side of the yard, the other on the other side of the yard. One for each dog.
While Yep was playing out on the stoop. She decided to take the ENTIRE DOG CHAIN from one side of the yard and CLIP IT to the post of the OTHER DOG CHAIN on the other side of the yard.
Hence: creating a booby trap.
A trip wire.
DBD's demise.
While creating said booby trap: she must've taken off her special ca-wrown. And set it down on the sidewalk. Maybe she thought she could engineer the whole thing better without the weight of that lead crown. Who knows.
Well.
As you can imagine.
Yep, went inside at some point.
But left her little contraption of engineering feat out there.
DBD - was not looking.
Tripped over it and came crashing down onto the ONE STEP STOOP like a 250 lb bowling ball. Dead weight.
SMITHEREENS.
SHATTERED.
ULNA WAS TOast.
As I was FA-REAKING out. Gathering children like the old woman in the shoe… not knowing what to do…. packing bottles, looking for my cell phone… praying that my mom would answer her phone so that I didnt' have to take 3 children , such as mine, to the ER. Dbd was getting in the car. Most of the trooops followed him.
He came out to find Yep Yep.. Crying.
His big hairy bear heart smithereened into shatters thinking Yep Yep was sad she had hurt him.
Pay no mind to the fact that I yelled at her sweetness. Yes I did. You leave me alone. Leave me alone. I WAS FREAKING OUT.
Cradling his smithereened arm… bending down and getting on her little thumbelina level.
" Oh. Yep Yep. It's okay… " says sweet furry DBD.
" Accidents happen."
" You don't have to cry love bunny. "
Silence.
Yep gathers herself: gives a BIG SAD SNIFF. Looks at DBD with her big hazel eyes like her mommas….
And pours her heart out.
" BUT My ca-wrown.
My spe-shell, spe-shell ca-wrown!
IT Is ba-wroken. "
Coulda cared less bout DBD and his broken ass ulna.
As DBD and his ulna were crashing to Earth- he also landed on a one ---- special special crown.
SMITHEREENS.
SHATTERED.
She came out of the house, to the scene of the crime and found the destruction and mayhem in front of her.
I filmed it because my camera battery is deAD. like all electronic objects in the supah household.
This MEme will continue as I already have many offers.
It will just continue on someone else's blog giving them the chance to make a name for themselves ;)
I will direct you all next week to the proper place to find the NEW AND IMPROVED POST IT NOTE TUESDAY ! I will do that as well for a month or so following the switch. So that we dont' loose any little sheep.
Thanks always for your support!
Jaden is very special to me and so is his mother.
I wrote this blog post for Jen over @ South of Sheridan
a few weeks back. I just went back and re-read it and thought you might like it. I neglected , as I always do…. to send you all over there looking for it.
Cuz.
I .
Suck.
And sometimes neglect my children in ways that involve two different socks or bathing suit bottoms as underwear. ( I lie. About the socks)
Anways here it is. S.o S initially refers to SOUTH OF SHERIDAN, Jen's blog name.
I typed that and came up with this post.
I'm all magical like that.
Ask me to tell your future. I probably have a skill like that hidden in my arsenal.
xoxox
So Jen: S.o.S asked me to Guest Blog for her ... or what I like to call GLoggin .
S.O.S... that's kinda funny huh?... (seeing as were speaking of anniversary's round here!)
Smoke signals for help.
I don't think Jen's quite there yet... to the smoke signaling stage of marriage. But she'll get there! Soon enough we'll see Jen with a big Native American blanket waving it frantically over a her fireplace - signaling for help! She might even settle for an area rug or tea towel over top of her gas stove burner.
I just light my husband's clothes on fire and blow a fan on it. Praying someone nearby will see my cry for help and bring me sanity in the form of martini's and cheesecurls.
I'm uber classy like that.
So in honor of her forthcoming smoke signal stage of marriage I have put together a list of Top Ten Reasons to S.O.S for help in a marriage. You'll need some friends to talk you down Jenn. :)
10. Your husband literally hurdled himself over the laundry pile near the bathroom- and thinks he deserves a gold medal for his ability. He thinks you missed the part when he split his legs apart to get over it- so he does it again for your enjoyment.
Start looking for a rug.
9. Your husband cleans the bathroom floor with a squeegee.
Where are those matches?
8. When you overhear your husband telling your friend that your 9th anniversary just passed, when it was you 13th…
look for some lighter fluid.
7. Same buddy, same conversation. Buddy asks how many kids you have now. Hubby says 2. You have 3.
Look for some kindling. Maybe his new golf tees.
6. You make spaghetti, the kitchen is a mess. You fed the kids, washed them down after the toxic spaghetti aftermath....you feed him....
He goes upstairs to watch TV and leaves you with the kitchen mess.
Find yourself some of his socks to throw in the fire. Preferrably one of each set.
5. Hubby finally knocks off the MUD NEST OF WASPS on the deck umbrella.... after asking him to do it 4 times. Then proceeds to put the "tool that knocked it off" on your clean glass table that is prepped for company. The tool is full of mud and now so is the table.
Find his undies. They probably have toxins stuck them... they'll light up fast.
4. Hubby calls you from a business trip-asks if it's okay to bring his aunt home with him . THAT NIGHT. FOR DINNER. IN 2 HOURS.
Find his favorite Colorado Rockies sweatshirt-
3. Hubby calls you while you are in NYC , have had 2 hours sleep because you've been working.... and asks.... WHEN your flight departs again and when you'll be home?
Hang up the phone and light the match.
2. DBD, I mean hubby feeds the kids cocoa pebbles for breakfast ,
lunch
and dinner while you're gone.
Squirt that lighter fluid.
and the LAST reason you'll need to start sending up smoke signals for help :
1. Your kids now know the theme song to "Family Guy."
And your husband says " WHAT??? It's a FAMILY show."
Burn baby burn.
I have a really funny story for monday.
It involves a Tiara and an Ulna.
Here's to many more years of happiness and bliss J. SOS - and when the years aren't so blissful. Send up some smoke to some friends. There's a lot of us who can make it better just by telling you our own stories. :)
Dislaimer: I got some totally free stuff from Seventh Generation. Cuz they are awesome. But even though I got free stuff. I wasn't paid to tell you how much I love it: nor to offer a LOOT BAG FULL OF STUFF for you.
Be jealous. ALl this stuff. HOLY CROW PEOPLE!
Healthy Home Starter Kit
Disinfecting Multi-Surface
Disinfecting Bathroom
Disinfecting Wipes - 35 ct.
All-Purpose - F&C
Glass - F&C
Shower - GM&L
Toilet - EC&F
Tub & Tile - EC&F
Natural Paper Towels
Seventh Gen Recycled Bag
MOVE OVER MR CLEAN. Here comes something that won't cause cancer, extra arms or crap like that when I clean with your bald head. * according to Supah Only. There are no FDA reports of this. Yet.
WIN THIS STUFF! AWWW YAHH!
Healthy Home Starter Kit
Disinfecting Multi-Surface
Disinfecting Bathroom
Disinfecting Wipes - 35 ct.
All-Purpose - F&C
Glass - F&C
Shower - GM&L
Toilet - EC&F
Tub & Tile - EC&F
Natural Paper Towels
Seventh Gen Recycled Bag
The rest of you can climb up the fire escape of linkies to the blogger above you and say hello. Blast Post It Note Tuesday all over the webiverse and enjoy your day friends! Leave me some love too ! OR ELSE. I'll spray you with MR. Clean.
I want first and last names.
I'm leaving a poop filled styrofoam cup on his door step. Then Lighting it on fire.
* just kidding disclaimer*
Styrofoam cups given at any restaurant meal time are a sure fire " order up " of disaster. OH WAITER! Yes maa'm sir. I'd like to order up a BIG FA REAKING MESS on my table in about 7.8 minutes. thankyouverymuch
We've been through this before. As a mom of three I think I'm super oblivious sometimes. I clearly have no brain cells left when I watch without, any alarm bells ringing, while the waitor brings my child a styrofoam cup and straw. I might even have drool coming out of the left side of my mouth to match my blank stare.
In my defense , no one else in our party of EIGHT alarm belled either. I will continue on typing while you figure out that three of the 8 are under age 7 and totally don't count and one is me.
ALSO IN MY second defense: I was probably concerned genuinely with the MASSIVE ASS PIECES of fruit my husband was diligently chopping up at the rate of 4 per hour .... for my 16 month old. He weeds faster with his toes.
If I had any sense or wit about me I would've dove on the damn thing like a live grenade the moment she brought it to our table. Sacrificing all that I am as a mother , as a person and as an uber awesome spit liquids out writer to you all. ( awwwww) to save our table from the mess that would surely ensue 7.8 minutes after the styrofoam cup was set on our table.
Straw = dagger.
Styrofoam cup = target.
Milk = BIG HONKIN ASS MESS.
Only my kids.
Usually it's my 4 year old that has the straw slash styrofoam cup fetish.
JABBING AT IT until THE STRAW POKES through the bottom of the cup creating a massive DIKE of milke that runneth over every ounce of our table while we all scramble to plug it up in some manner.
When it happens twice at dinner. You get a free margarita at Applebees. Just a reminder.
Today however, it was not my 4 year old straw freak.
It was not my anxiety ridden , I will not eat THAT bacon because it is SKINNY bacon ... 6 YEAR old...
it was princess precious BOOGER BEAR.
16 months old. I will eat 2 bites and then scream to be let out of my highchair for the next 32 minutes.
Yes her.
Seems four year old is offering lessons when I'm not looking.
She's moved up in the world however. No straw necessary.
This little booger got a hold of it while she was MAD as a WHIP ... and friggin INCREDIBLE HULKED IT.
Squeezed that sucker because she was SOOOOO MAD that we wouldn't let her out..... that she squeezed it in HALF. and all the MILK POURED OUT ONTO HER TRAY, her 1 of 2 pairs of pants I brought on vacay- as well as on the floor.
Do linen napkins in a NOT SWANKY hotel sop up milk?
NOPE.
TONS OF FUN
EFF yOU to the creators of styrofoam cups.
EFF YOU to linen napkin makers. WHAT ARE THEY FOR THEN I ASK YOU OH LINEN NAPKIN MAKERS OF THE WORLD ?????
WHAT ARE THEY FOR???????
And a big FAT EFF YOU to the dude who decided to be a cheap ass and use them in restaurants FOR KIDS LIKE MINE.
