This Monday's All About MEme:
FIVE "breathtaking" white LIES YOU'VE TOLD.
Listen puppies. This one was hard for me.( thanks DV for thinking this up) Because I'm no Pinocchio- nose.
You can just call me Miss Fairy Perfectpants.
Ok. That was a TOTAL lie.
Crapper!
So LIes... what to tell you ... what to tell you.....
I tell white lies ALL THE live long TIME: to my children.
( i. know. Don't worry. I say a hail mary after each little lie. )
Ok.. That was TOTALLY a white lie.
It's like I VOMIT white lies once I get started!
So here are my lies: highlighted and categorized for you.
NUMEROUS KID WHITE LIE TELLINGS:
The Chuck-ee- Cheese Lie:
( for my 2 abroad fans...Chuck-ee-cheese is a Vegas gone wild.. only for little ones. And they serve Pizza there with a side of gamblers anonymous. . Think.. games.. prizes..flashinglights.. big RATs serving pizza. YUM!)
As we pass Chuck-ee-Cheese:
THEM: mommmmmy mommmmmmmy chuck-ee -cheese!!! AWWWW can we go????
Me: I'm sorry kiddos. Looks like CHuck-ee-Cheese is closed. Awe... so sad for us. Isn't' that a bugger .. huh? Yeah.. I know.
Is it open tomorrow? No... durn it all.. looks like it's closed for renovations.
What's a renovation?
Well... a renovation is when Chuck- ee Cheese will never open again.
Bedtime Lie:
Me: GIRRRRLLLLSSSS.... It's bedtime!
E: What? It's still sunny out.
Me: Yep. Bedtime.
E: "Mommy what time is it? "
Me: It's... its....TEN O'CLOCK! ( 7:00 pm)
You got to stay up WAYY TOTALLY LATER tonight....
Aren't you the most specialist??
( all neighborhood kids are playing outside, screaming , whooopa doo-in and yelling.)
E: Can I go look at the clock? ( begins walking towards my bedroom)
Me: NOooooooooooooooooo!! ( tackling her to the ground and sleeper holding her H. Hogan style KA-PLOW! .)
Me: THE CLOCK IS BEING RENOVATED- now let's GO.. to BED.
To self: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TEACHING CLOCK SKILLS FOR IN KINDERGARTEN??? Schools these days.. I tell you.
Weekly Pizza Lie:
E: What kind of Pizza did you order. Cuz, I don't like the pizza with pepper and grass on it.
ME: Well first... pizza only has GRASS on it.. for pot heads. Second.. the Pizza is from
PIZZA MILANO ( local pizza joint) .. your FAVORITE! ( lie!! WALMART boxed Pizza... going on 4 months straight)
E; OOHh yum. Did you get cheesticks?
Me: Nope. Sorry. Cheesestick maker aker is still broka loken. :) Too bads.
E: What's a pot head?
Me: People who wear pots on their heads. I know. Weird. Don't wear pots on your head. EVER. YOU HEAR ME. EVER.
I tell white lies to myself: here and there and just about every single where.
Self Lies:
1. You do not look one single day past your sweet saucy 24 years. ( + ten)
2. You look FETCHINGLY AWESOMENESS in your Team Cullen red t-shirt, white k-Swiss and black flowing yoga pants. Swee- eeett.. I loves how you pulled your wet hair back in a semi- ponytail.
Oh.. I'm sorry.. must take a break from bloggin. My doorbell is ding a linga ringin.
SON OF A BANANA! !
It's Stacey and CLinton.. they heard me say flowy yoga pants....
I'M BEING renovated!
( whispers)
I tell white lies to DBD all the time .. sorta. kind of.. yes. Most days. The more we are married, the more I venture to tell.
DBD lies I tell:
1. No DBD, I did not hear the baby cooing 3 minutes into my post. She TOTALLY JUST WOKE up.
So go get her.
2. Of course I took that snore post down. I LOVE YOU and would NEVER choose insane laughter over your own personal self esteem and our marriage. Smooches!
3. The stove is being renovated DBD, please stop and pick up take-out.
Yes. Renovated.
What do you mean you didn’t' know about the stove RENO-VACATION?!.
I told you yesterday.
SEE...You just don't listen to me. You never listen to me. DoYOUEVENHEARAWORDISAYCAUSEIMPRETTYCERTAINWHENMYMOUTHSTARTSMOVINGYOUSTOPLISTENING….Would you care to talk about THAT?
Or would you like to just believe that the stove is being RENOVATED... and go get us some Boston Market ....
Boston Market Bitch.
4. No.. I have no idea what happened to the money you IRRESPONSIBLY left in your pants...that went…through the wash... that I do.. on a daily basis.
Pay dirt!!
Laundering money has a whole new definItion.
5. Yes. We're friends again on facebook. NO. SILLY….I'm not STILL mad at you FOR A.b.c and d with a little bit of F.
What do you mean you can't see me?
How totally ODD! FACEBOOK must be going through a renovation or something. So weird.
Now, it's your turn! You know you wanna!
· Put together a post to reveal your deepest, darkest ... ummm ... WHITE LIES.
· Be sure to copy/ paste/ post our super fabulous button thingy (at the top of this post) on your post somewhere! (That's how we'll grow and we THANK YOU 100X for helping!)
· Come back here and link up with Mr. Linky!
· Visit the 3 blogs above your name if you have time and leave them a comment!! (This is the secret to growing a blog!) ... and if you're first, ... well then aren't you special! You'll just need to visit the 3 below your when name when they appear and leave a comment.
- Look for a comment from SupahMommy and MommyBrain; we've made it our personal mission to visit and comment on all of our meme links ... that's how much love we have for you all :)
The first link-er- upper on MR. Linky gets a prize from SUPAHMOMMY! Just ask
Can't wait for you to "breathtake" us...
Love
MommyBrain and SupahMommy
34 comments:
I gotta go to work, will read and leave a snide comment later :)
CEC is never open. Or, on those rare occasions when it is, it has to close about an hour and a half after we get there.
I totally loved your blog and think I must become a follower! love the white lies--who hasn't fibbed about Chuckie Cheese!
stopping by from SITS to say hi, hope you'll do the same.
I have to make sure I never ask you a question unless I'm looking directly in your eyes...LOL
You would fail with the guy on "Lie To Me"...ever seen that show? I love it! LOL
stopping by from SITS
Sooo glad you are the same. I told someone how i said to leysha the icecream place was open but it was adult icecream time--like adult swim at the community pool when we have to get out.
They looked at me with horror and said said 'why don't you just tell her she can't go??" WHAT? do they not know the deluge of whining i would have to endure?? I know I am not tough and would cave, hence my white lies :)
I LOVE the way you write, and even though I have never met you, I can just hear you saying all of this.
I never lie. Except for the Facebook Lie, I have lied that one. oh!, and the Chuck E Cheese, I guess I have lied that one too...
SHIT! I am a freakin' liar!
OMG, you are TOO funny! The Chuck E. Cheese lie made me laugh out loud. I HATE THAT PLACE!!! Glad to have found your blog, your very entertaining!
I love these!!! Shh...I'm guilty of some of these, too. CEC is just a pain to drive to. We'll go there another day.
And don't tell Stacey and Clinton, but I my fashion choice of the day isn't too far off from yours =)
Oh, D, I knew you wouldn't disappoint ... this was a great topic for you because you're so stinkin' honest and creative and funny! My fav part - when Stacy and Clinton arrive ... I secretly wish that really would happen to me ... and I am fairly certain the flowy yoga pants would, in deed, bring them running!
P.S. You're awesome ... even if you are a crazy MAC user ;)
love love love your blog...always brings a smile:)
Great post. I think we all have to tell those WHite LIes to our children, either that or be harrassed by 50 questions. lol Sometimes it's just easier.
Absolutely hilarious! You really make me feel so wishful, lady. Why didn't I have a sister just like you. My days of blues would have so easily been turned to pink!
I keep falling more in love with you as the days go by. *sigh*
I do not consider money found in the washer or dryer as my tip for doing the laundry. That would just be wrong.
5 White Lies:
To Tuck..."The babies are so happy you sent them all 17 SEVENTEEN of your suckies (pacifiers). They sent you this special prize back for mailing the suckies to them"
To Tuck "Chuck E Cheese is only for 5 year olds" This one is a crapper of a lie, because I may have to steal your renovation lie in a year. He reminds me weekly..."When I am 5 I can go to Smell E Cheese...I mean Chuck E Cheese." Grrr
To Tuck "They don't let you wear your Transformer shirt 3x in the same week to school. It is against the rules"
To Tuck and Mags "If you scream in the restaurant, the waitress will come over and kick us out"
To Tuck "It is broccoli that has not bloomed yet (about asparagus). Just try it, it is so FUN!!!"
(tries it, loves it, broccoli that has not bloomed is born:)
Love it girls :)
I added my name again because stupid me forgot to actually publish my little list of lies. Oops!!!
I totally got online to read this post as I sit in pain...knowing I now HAVE to do this MEme when I did not plan to.
...cause you made it look fun.
Ok...Im on it.
funny! I totally relate on the Chuck E. Cheese thing. :)
Isn't it ironic that you wrote the truth about your lies?
Loved this post babay girl..you kill me..LOL!!!!!
That was too funny! I might have to join in. Can I do MEme Monday on Wednesday?
oh, I'm superduper late today. Didn't mean to be. You are smart... a much better white liar than me. I will steal all of these.
Oh CEC. I've convinced my 3 that it's only for birthdays. Since 2 of mine have the same bday, we can only go 2x's a year. lol
1)to my dd: "You have a beautiful voice" Even though my ears are bleeding.
2)to dh: "I slept on the couch because I wasn't feeling well" when actually, I couldn't stand being groped repeatedly because he's having some sex dream. lol
3)to my niece "That is a cute bathing suit" I left out "where are you going to put your humungous breasts?"
4)to my kids when they know I've gone grocery shopping and didn't buy fruit chews "I didn't see any on the shelf today"
5)to my neighbor who stands outside 85% of the day and is a total bore "No, I didn't even see you standing there"
I live in yoga pants! They are so comfortable, and not to mention they're extremely flattering for the bottom and legs. My Favorite brand is with out a doubt Tea Party from RepeatPossessions.com. Their styles and colors are endless! Shipping is quick and world wide!
That Chucky Cheese lie makes me laugh, and I guess I'm conditioned. The other night on our way home, I automatically said to my (now 17-year old) daughter, "Hmm. I bet it's closed for some reason," as we passed by the Chuckmaster's!
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OMG.. I totally missed this one. That post was absolutely hysterical. Seriously ~ you are priceless.
I have missed your style, and sense of humour so much while I was away!!
Crap, I wish it was monday!!
"renovations" ~ CLASSIC!
;)
Oh Supah, one of these days I've got to participate! After reading Cheif's little Big Bird bit, I had to come over and sneak a peek!
Luv your Blog!
Jane
That was absolutely hilarious.
It has inspired me.
After spending the last 20 minutes in the kitchen trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight I have decided said kitchen is closed for renovations. We're ordering in.
Cause I'm the Mommy and I am the boss.
New to your blog and now NEW FOLLOWER! You're blog is such a riot! Thanks for the laughs!
i found this blog by accident and you are hilarious. i'm officially a follower
LMAO - I linked up to see what the Monday All About Me was and OMG I loved your little white Lies post! I think we MOMS all have pulled the Chuck E Cheese lie!
Thanks for the laughs!
You are hilarious. I loved the Facebook one and the stove renovation.
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