Insane in the Membrane...

Who the fritatta's idea was it to take my clan across the country on a jolly vay-cay?

SOB is all I have to say.

Live from Colorado- I come bearing gifts of laughters.

Highlights and incidental vignettes:

1. Emma refused to walk one more step at Sand Dunes National Park. She fell to the ground in grand dramatic flair, writhed in the sand and began to cry out to the great whispering winds of the park, " My mother doesn' t love me!!"

After refusals to heed my sage and motherly advice ***" GET YOUR ASS UP."*** I continued to walk... testing the "theory" that "they" meaning "spawns" will eventually get up and follow if you go far enough.

Results of theory test:
Not so.


She was subsequently rescued by a concerned 70 year old couple who we later found out .. were reunited after 50 some odd years apart and separate marriages where they found themselves widowed. Sweet huh?

Not so.



" NOT SO" .. when you look like the WORST MOTHER ON THE PLANET who is mortified that you told her the SWEETEST STORY POSSIBLE after she left her drama queen to burn in the dunes of sand and YOU ARE HER RESCUERS.



2. While swimming in one of 45 hotel pools we've frequented... Emma notices the exercise room and says to mommy-la " If you want to not be fat, there's the exercise room."

Lovely.

3.. The girls have enjoyed themselves some "ranch" life. All to the tune of dirty dirty muddy muddy yuckiness that QUITE POSSIBLY MAY NEVER WASH OUT OF THEIR SKIN.



Speaking of:
THings heard roun' the ranch.



"Yeee- haw! Wait! My peeper hurts!"



Whilst riding bareback horses.

Something I shall never ever ever ever do.



"Niiiiice horsey."

says a slightly frightened debby as she pets it's nose. Horsey falls in love with her and begins to nudge her quite forcefully. DEBBY CRIES FOWL and begins to walk away... only to find NIIIICEE HORSEY following her and nudging even more forcefully while CORRALLING HER into a fence.



"RUuuuuuuuN! whispers debby to her small daughters and SCAREDY CAT MOTHER who does NOT like horses.

So THIS is what it feels like to lay down your life for your childrens thinks debby. Molested by a horse... all for the children.

I made it out of there. But I cried in the corner of a tub with the shower running later on... ( if you GET that.. say so.)

" MOM! A BIRD hit my chest and bounced off while we were riding the ATV's with Uncle CUCKOo..."

"sAY what??" says mommy.

"That wasn't a bird Emma. It was a butterfly. " says Uncle CuckOo.

" My ASS"

"My ASS"

"My Ass is on fi-ah."

Sung by Nenny who was introduced to the RANCH'S swamp ass toilet.

ie; toilet that has HOT BURNING WATER FILETERED THROUGH it.

More to come later.

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